Newest Members
Toad, ColinJeffs, likelylad, PSAL, Warrior
13611 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
CanadaGuy (65), Darkheart (46), EricLA (58), Samuel C. Miles (63)
Who's Online
2 registered (2 invisible), 23 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
13,611 Registered Members
75 Forums
70,807 Topics
494,645 Posts

Most users ever online: 418 @ 07/02/12 11:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#364350 - 06/17/11 01:01 AM Recovery Strategies
1lifenow Offline


Registered: 03/07/11
Posts: 437
Loc: west coast
I found this today and liked it because it is simple and straight forward, and these days i need black and white. Gray is no place for me.

Treatment for Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse
Individual and group therapies can help survivors heal their childhood wounds and learn to create healthy sexual boundaries as adults. Successful treatments will address the following issues:

•guilt: survivors need to be told over and over again that "it's not your fault"; therapies can help them identify and seek alternatives to self-punishing thoughts and behaviours

•feelings of being tainted: survivors need to learn that "I am okay physically and in every other way, and not damaged goods"

•low self-esteem: survivors need a lot of love and encouragement in believing that they are okay and good, as well as recognition for achieving small goals

•trust: group therapies can help a survivor learn to give and take support and gradually trust again

•boundaries and empowerment: survivors can learn what healthy boundaries are and practice asserting themselves through peer support and role playing

•opportunities to express feelings: in order to protect themselves both during and after the abuse, many survivors have had to stuff intense anger inside of them so it doesn't show; survivors need support and encouragement to express these repressed feelings which can otherwise lead to physical sickness, clinical depression or suicide

http://heretohelp.bc.ca/publications/factsheets/child-sexual-abuse


My T has helped me understand that unless I can learn to forgive that sad, lonely, scared little boy, I will remain frozen. We have to find a way to understand that the feelings of being tainted or damaged or less than, stem from the changes in our brain function. We have to keep encouraging each other and then listen. Not disregard others here or at home when they show kindness just because we dont feel worthy. Accepting small gifts of caring in the spirit they were meant is crucial. We feel better when we do things for others yet we wont grant them the same joy. Sometimes we just have to get out of our own way.

We are all very vulnerable here, i remember feeling relief finding this community of souls like me. But sometimes we dont realize what our own boundaries are, we just are not aware. There can be a fine line between a common sharing to triggering and i was confused how to handle it. Listen to that little voice and the tiny hairs on your neck if you feel like you are being taken from your comfort zone. Trust is so important for us to move forward, we need to feel that things we share will not be used to take advantage of, shame or ridicule us. Both here and in our lives.

I feel really lucky I have found this place - it has given me great hope. But hope is nothing if it does not have a plan, its just a dream thats unattainable. Going forward I finally understand that what happened to that terrifies little boy can explain so much about my behavior all along and where I find myself today, I had always felt so alone. Ultimately though, the thing we really need is accountability. Understand what happened to us so we can put it in context, but then take personaly responsibility. That is the key to healing. I love the sharing here, its so important but so are action plans.

Would love to hear about the steps and means others have taken towards their place of wellness from those with more experience. I know for many spirituality is a great source of strength and its important to respect others belief system. But as a secular humanist, it would be cool to hear about what is working for you. What you tried and didnt work and what you found to be important touch stones along the path.

Thanks

_________________________
The need for love lies at the very foundation of human existence. Dalai Lama

WoR Barrie 2011

Top
#364354 - 06/17/11 01:32 AM Re: Recovery Strategies [Re: 1lifenow]
DannyT Offline
Member

Registered: 09/14/03
Posts: 645
Since you mentioned getting in touch with your younger self, I remembered writing about some work I did on that a while ago, and here's a link in case it might be useful.

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...43342#Post43342

Danny


Top
#364371 - 06/17/11 05:37 AM Re: Recovery Strategies [Re: DannyT]
1lifenow Offline


Registered: 03/07/11
Posts: 437
Loc: west coast
Thank you so much, Danny, your clarity in letting that unmolested boy's soul have a voice really resonated with me. None of the arrogance, the self deception, none of my own bullshit. I am greatful to you,





Edited by 1lifenow (07/01/11 10:34 PM)
_________________________
The need for love lies at the very foundation of human existence. Dalai Lama

WoR Barrie 2011

Top
#364398 - 06/17/11 06:36 PM Re: Recovery Strategies [Re: 1lifenow]
Letourski Offline


Registered: 03/16/08
Posts: 314
Loc: Canada
Hello Gents,

Danny, your post was so insightful and very liberating. I felt the inquisitive nature of the post. It was so genuine and expressive. Thank you for sharing. I really like the idea of giving little me a chance to make decisions. It's a very empowering concept, one that I will integrate.

1life, I would consider myself a secular humanist as well. Throughout the years I have absorbed as much information about spirituality from as many different sources as possible. I am beginning to cultivate a deep spirituality guided be love and compassion. I am aligning myself with the "unmolested" self as Danny so eloquently put it.

I really like the here and now of the treatments you listed. Understanding the context of our behaviors (past sexual abuse), and treating the real life effects of the here and now is probably the most holistic method of recovery I know of. I no longer want to dwell on the events of abuse themselves. They happened, and I have to accept that. Accountability for right now is far more important to me. Thanks again for another great post 1life. I am grateful for your insight and wisdom. Heal well brother.

Cheers,

Daniel

_________________________
I am the warrior.

Top

Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.