Please don't read this if you are in a bad place today...
My parents dropped the ball. They were too busy cheating on each other and satisfying their own desires and insecurities to notice that I was a little boy on fire. They are older now, have cancer, blah, blah , blah...I don't really give a shit what's wrong with them because they refuse to simply say, "I'm sorry I was a selfish asshole, drunk, whore, whatever...and I'm so glad you did choose the right path in life despite all our screwups" All I get is "It was your fault because you didn't tell me" or "I did my job as a dad. I went to work and supported you" Really? WTF, even down to their last friggin breath they'll never change, will they?
They showed up for my treatment (many years ago). Said "Oh, we went through it with you too...it was hard on all of us" Bullshit. That's like an arsonist setting a fire and coming back later to watch his work be put out by the firemen. God I hate them and I find it so hard to be there for them at all in their later years. I feel like I wish their cancer would eat them up in the most painful way possible sometimes...I must really be angry. Feels good to have rightious indignation. Probably lose my inheritance, but I've had it with covering for them.
Just FYI, I'm in my forties now, surrounded by my children (at or close to the age when my abuse started) and watching them all embark on their lives. Going thruogh a bit of a crisis. Lots of flashbacks. All I can think of is how I existed to "do what someone else wanted" I was objectified. By parents-"Don't question us, we are always right" Perp used the fact that I had no relationship with my parents-he figured out their patterns right away and went for the kill.
Edited by Invictus65 (06/06/11 12:39 PM)
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.