My dad came home once unexpectedly and caught me naked in our backyard (there was a horsetrail behind our house, and I waited by the chain link fence for guys to come riding past). My dad didn't say a word.
Reading this bit about you and your dad brought tears to my eyes. The only time you mention him at all in this thread concerns his inability to connect with you. You were so vulnerable at that moment, a perfect opportunity for him to reach out to you and provide a father's love and guidance. I wonder how many other chances he squandered to bond with you? Many boys experience this as rejection and come to see themselves as unworthy and unlovable. It leaves them desperately seeking recognition, warmth and affection from other adult males. In this sense you were perfectly set up to be sexually abused. The only difference between you and many other guys here is that you were so desperate for connection that you actively sought out your own abuse. How could you have possibly known at that age that what you were doing was inviting adults to hurt you?
In your 'Inherited Abuse' thread you said you are gay and grew up in a fundamentalist Christian family. In that setting I wonder what options you had, if any, to accept and express your homosexual feelings and attractions when they began to surface? I can't even begin to know what that shaming did to your sense of self.
So you had a father who wouldn't get close to you emotionally, and powerful push-back from the family's religious beliefs against your sexual orientation. This sounds like the perfect storm for a boy struggling to know and accept himself, and one that led you to some extreme measures to try to get what you needed.
The legal system and your parents both shamed you, and neither helped you get to the root of the pain that was driving your behavior. You don't have to keep repeating this with yourself. The shame you still carry, probably since years before your first desperate attempts to please a man and to feel like you were worth something, is what's preventing you from embracing yourself as worthwhile. A good resource for understanding shame and the many ways it blocks us from living is John Bradshaw's "Healing the Shame that Binds You." It helped me tremendously to begin to get some handles on why I could not love myself. Also, therapy isn't optional in your struggle to stop shaming yourself. You'll need it to come to a new and healthy understanding of your value, your needs and what you deserve.
I'm glad you found us. Keep talking. Lean into the other guys here who every day are making progress in facing the same painful feelings and confusion that you're beginning to walk through. You're not alone with this anymore.