Were you or a loved-one (family or pet) threatened with death in reference to your CSA experience? To drive home the point were you shown what death looks like? If so it MIGHT be that you are reviewing similar images to regain to yourself the mastery / control / power / influence, etc. that it had/has over you.

I think the psychologists call it "re-enacting." It usually happens on a subconscious level.

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, love and self discipline. (St Paul, 2Timothy 1:7) NIV

Check out a cool song by a hot band..."Unbreakable" by Fireflight: official video at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pWRJAHaOrYg