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#36184 - 03/12/04 04:19 AM Survival
Leosha Offline

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
Failure at this is not option for me. I always kept that open, as possibility, maybe I will not survive, maybe I will let them win. F*ck that. F*ck them. I have been very low for few days, very depressed, very much in despair, wanting to do things to hurt myself, and did do small part of some harm to myself. Feeling like I do not know what to do no more, how to deal with it all no more, can not handle it all. But I know I have to, it is not choice, it is what I have to do. Survival is only option, giving up and death are not. I know that I will get down again sometime, it seems to have cycle of that with me. But I think this down 'cycle', I think it is over right now, and I have not done anything very bad to myself. Am sick again after feeling better for almost a week, I guess that is all the relief I will have right now from it until I can cut back some with work. And maybe being sick again is part of what made it worse for right now. Maybe I am actually learning something from this, and from myself at this point. (See Mike, I AM capable of learning!) I just wanted to thank this site, and some very wonderful friends from here who have dealt with my panic, my paranoidness, my overall craziness and have shown me that it is possible, even for someone as bad as me (or what I think of myself) to be better of this. Thank you friends, all of people here, but there are few people who have put up with lot from me recently, so thank you specially. To quote a friend of mine, 'The race is long, and in the end, it is only against yourself'.


Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

#36185 - 03/12/04 11:38 AM Re: Survival
Brayton_dup1 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/09/04
Posts: 30
Yes, yes, yes--survive.

I am glad you are among us Leosha.

Sometimes all I can do is cling to the fact of survivorship. Being a part of this circle of survivors is extraordinarly important to me. When I am really, really down remembering that makes a huge difference.

Sometimes I am flooded, overwhelmed with pain, anger, shame, guilt. Then I just focus on surviving. After that, I can get to the other stuff step by step.


#36186 - 03/12/04 12:36 PM Re: Survival
crisispoint Offline

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts

In the end, choose life. The alternative will come soon enough, and you've no need to help it along.

Or, according to that great U.S. philosopher, Frank Sinatra, "you gotta love livin', baby, šause dying is a pain in the @$$!" \:D

Peace and love,


There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

#36187 - 03/14/04 09:15 PM Re: Survival
Texas_Mike Offline

Registered: 01/17/04
Posts: 135
Loc: San Antonio, Texas-The Lone-St...
'The Leo'...

check it out..

keep your shit together, my friend....

"Passion, excitement, and confidence are the important medicines that you need every day"

Run 2 Live-Live 2 Run

"The Desert Runner" Mike


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