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#361712 - 05/08/11 11:13 PM Newbie
ecosurvivor Offline

Registered: 05/08/11
Posts: 2
Loc: California
May be triggering...

I'm so nervous to post because I'm afraid I'll break a rule and don't really think I have anything to add but I'm compelled.

I'm gay and survived (new word I'm using) about 4 years of being sodomized by a cousin from 5 or 6 until about 9 or 10. It's all really foggy. There was more sex abuse/misconduct in my early teens from a neighbor's husband but it doesn't seem like a large issue. At any rate, I've been in therapy for a while and we are now on this topic and my whole life feels like it going out of control. Drinking again, going to bars and hooking up....stuff like that. I think I'm minimizing the affect it (abuse) had on me. I'm compelled to objectify myself now as I was objectified then. I'll keep moving on and stop the acting out and believe that there is hope and healing. I've allowed this crap to ruin my life. My marriage to my husband, relationships in general, recovery/'s all in the crapper.

Can anyone relate to this? My mind tells me that it'll be okay but my heart screams what's the point. People far worse off than me have recovered right?

Anyway, thanks for reading.

Edited by ecosurvivor (05/08/11 11:21 PM)

#361728 - 05/09/11 03:15 AM Re: Newbie [Re: ecosurvivor]
jevin Offline

Registered: 11/30/10
Posts: 47
Loc: somewhere on the Red Road
eco ...

You've courageously begun to deal with your abuse in counseling, and you walked through the doors of MS. I'd say you're doing a lot of stuff just right.

Remember, so much was taken from us by the abuse. Sadly, before we begin healing many of us re-live this by inflicting more losses on ourselves. But it sounds like you're awake now, eco -- you're facing what happened to you and you understand that your previous ways of coping with the pain will only bring more heartache.

Lots of guys here who understand from personal experience what you're up against and who can walk through it with you. And, yeah, we know you're worth it.

Hang with us and heal.

- Jev

"Whatever is rejected from the self appears in the world as an event."
- Carl Jung

#361731 - 05/09/11 05:42 AM Re: Newbie [Re: jevin]
whome Offline

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1743
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Abuse is Abuse, there is no lesser or worse. The effects it has on the Physc is tremendous. I have also overcome Alcohol and all the other weird stuff, but my recovery from this was easier when, after four years I started dealing with the SA.
Good luck and God speed with your recovery. Learn to Love yourself and the world will love you back.

Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog


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