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#361279 - 05/02/11 03:30 PM What's the controll in acting out on SSA?
Gnuff Offline

Registered: 03/28/11
Posts: 13
Loc: Switzerland

Recently I had a discussion with a close friend of mine who knows about my SSA and acting out where the controll in acting out lies.

I told her that for me the control lies in engaging the act by myself, even-though it's not really a free choice 'cause at least for me it was a unbearable pressure to act out, 'till I actually did.

I mean in the acting out my roll had to be submissive, so there was no "real" control either. Well after some time of thinking it came to my mind that with being the devote part I again took some (surreal?) control. 'cause he wanted me, and I let him. And also 'cause I learned to manipulate man during the act. So that was some form of control as well.

What do you think where (vain?) control lies? Is it the engaging? What are your thoughts on control and SSA?

LG Gnuff

#361555 - 05/06/11 10:58 AM Re: What's the controll in acting out on SSA? [Re: Gnuff]
expom Offline

Registered: 01/06/09
Posts: 126
Loc: Australia
The thing that helped me the most with the understanding of why it is that we act out is less to do with control of the situation and more to do with attempting to apply a veneer of consent to the time that we were violated in an attempt to lessen its pain.
When I was a child I was incapable of providing consent - I didn't understand what was being done to me. The pain and trauma of this continues to have long lasting ill effects.
My mind can try and play tricks and say that what was done to me as a child wasn't that bad because I have tried to replicate the events as a willing adult.
It's all part of our survival strategy that tries to numb the pain. Some turn to drugs, others to alcohol, some to violence, others to crime.
Many end the pain with the ultimate analgesia - suicide.
Acting out is a useful tool that helps to keep us alive until we are in a position to get the additional help that we need so that we can process what was done to us as kids and learn new and better ways to leave behind those long term effects.
Least that is how I see it.

I endured all my yesterdays. I prevail in all of my todays. I exercise my right to be able to enjoy my tomorrows. I choose not to do it alone.

#361579 - 05/06/11 10:18 PM Re: What's the controll in acting out on SSA? [Re: expom]
Stillgrowingup Offline

Registered: 05/06/11
Posts: 3
The things that you are mentioning are absolutely right. I took a seminar where I was supposed to learn to say "no". It is the idea of pleasing everyone and I end up being a chaos and the people around me think that I'm weak and i do not have the control over mineself or my surrounding.



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