So.... My man is working hard.....
i've only lived 47 years...but indeed recovery, for me 20+ years ago, still was the hardest thing in life.
i don't know how hard it is supposed to be. there are no benchmarks. but maybe it would help if survivor friends/family members were told from the getgo that it will also be the hardest thing they've ever gone through? perhaps the hardest part is, quite plainly, there is little you can do.
it is death, loss of love and loss of so much more, but also a rebirth, enlightenment, and tremendous change.
while i can sympathize with partners of survivors, i think it is rather a very self-centered move to "need" anything in return while he (or she) is going through the healing process that could carry on for years. friends/loved ones of survivors must be committed to stay strong, selfless, unconditionally so, and i firmly believe that in the end "he" will never forget that support.
get angry at his rapist/pedophile and the society we live in that still cannot understand, or accept, the dynamics of childhood sexual abuse. you are witnessing first hand what society simply refuses to accept.