Sexual abuse to a person is like getting put into a wind tunnel.
While others around us enjoy a life relatively free of pressure and resistance, we have to struggle against the pressure of abuse creates against us to mature, reason, be confident and succeed in life.
Picture this, the abuse happens. We find ourselves in shock, in denial, or worse, thinking it is love or companionship, and the wind tunnel gets turned on. Slightly at first, it is maybe not noticed, reported or the victim helped. The blades turn..,
Then the real pressure, the internal agony of the abuse as we deny, relabel and dissociate from the truth of the matter. Every time we are re-abused, reinforced with feelings of worthlessness and isolation, every coping mechanism we use to cover over the damage, we turn the blades faster and faster, and we bend ourselves with adrenaline and drugs, sex, acting out or alcohol to stand upright, be productive, and grasp at the success and confidence we see in our peers.
Finally, the wind is too great for us, and we slip, we stumble and we fall. However the pressure is immense, we crash! We are slammed in the rear wall, and are crushed against it.
When the coping mechanisms and acting out and dissociation fail, we are brutally aware of that failure, and our lives may get damaged. Failures in relationships, secular failing, academic failure, failure with the authorities, ultimately, our failed selves. We may be able to pick us up and keep contending with the incredible pressure, but we will just keep getting knocked off our feet.
WE ARE NOT THE PROBLEM!
The wind, the pressure, the torque and volume against us is the root problem, and it needs to be slowed, and stopped eventually.
On the floor, slammed into the rear wall, the wind tunnel pressing us into the chain link fence, we discover the abuse as the pressure and destabilization it is, and we being to look for relief. Here is the thing, we are recovering from the abuse, we may look in the wrong place, we may be overreached by the years of struggling and failing, and we are still in the wind tunnel being slammed around. It is not going to be easy to begin recovery, nor at certain times during recovery, why?
The Wind Tunnel is still gong full blast!
How do we lessen the effects of the wind tunnel?
Keep recovering, keep finding safety, keep telling our stories and learning from the experiences of the men who have gone through the recovery issues you may be going through and use them to help you slow the pressure.
In time, the pressure decreases, and then increases a little, then more and more it decreases. There will be a time when, in the tunnel, we begin to look for a way out, a door or release, a control to shut off this machine that has kept us from confidence, from success, from enjoying life in contentment.
As we being to look around for this release, we find we have had the control in our grasp the entire time. WE have the power and the strength and the wisdom to bring us relief.
Do you choose to STOP the Wind, STOP the pressure, and start LIVING?
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014