I'm glad to be alive.

I watch this fiction on the BBC last night, it was TRIGGERING.

Abduction, sexual abuse, torture, murder of boys----- shouldn't have watched it....thought it was something else but.....

It was set in the area and time when I was there.
No matter how free and whole I get, I can never deny what I saw back in those days. I feel powerless to fight the evil. Broke away from London to get healing and always felt like I betrayed the other models and rent boys but I know I couldn't help them as I was in such a mess.

I don't know why I am alive and others are not.


anyway, I still feel powerless and Im hurting,

I'm being heard, healed, loved but what about them?


Wolves will live with lambs. Leopards will lie down with goats. Calves, young lions, and year-old lambs will be together, and little children will lead them.