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#357928 - 03/28/11 07:28 PM Male Rape Victim Shares His Story
prisonerID Offline
Greeter Emeritus

Registered: 02/17/08
Posts: 1247
Loc: Oklahoma
Possibly triggering.

Two part story of a man in North Carolina relating his experience of being raped and of the limited support he was given by the city. Limited is saying it kindly. More like abusive reactions.

Broad statements often miss their true mark.

#357940 - 03/28/11 09:45 PM Re: Male Rape Victim Shares His Story [Re: prisonerID]
CruxFidelis Offline

Registered: 06/16/10
Posts: 486
Loc: NJ
I recall coming across that story at some point when I was looking for resources online about male ASA.

Yes, very triggering.

I have mixed feelings on the experience I had with police and medical personnel after they found me in my bed and there were obvious signs of sexual assault. It is hard to explain but I don't recall ever being raped so a lot of my trauma is in the experience in the hospital after the assault(s). Then there is a lot of legal/medical paperwork that we have that I can't read because it will be too overwhelming and I would rather not know at this time. My wife has read it all and she says there is no need for me to read it either but she will be there with me if I feel like I have to read it.

The folder sits there in a filing cabinet, next to the medical bills, insurance papers, our tax returns. It's there with the paperclips & pay stubs. It's for that reason that I don't pay the bills and I leave it up to my spouse, even though it is one of those ways I could pitch in around here.

The memories of the exam after the rape are absolutely horrible. I can see why a lot of men don't report assault because of it. I remember asking for local anesthesia for the process and they said "That's not something we do." Well, maybe it should be? I don't know how I got on this TMI tangent anyway.

it makes me angry..livid...hearing about how mens' experiences are [mis]handled by health & law enforcemnt professionals. I feel like we are expected to "suck it up" more than women, but sometimes it is just too much.

At the same time, I am grateful that they at least intervened and I don't know what would have happened to me if they didn't find me. I know I wouldn't have told because I was too ashamed. Maybe they saved my life and I should just be grateful.

“If a man wishes to be sure of the road he treads on, he must close his eyes and walk in the dark.”

- Saint John of the Cross

#357947 - 03/28/11 10:16 PM Re: Male Rape Victim Shares His Story [Re: CruxFidelis]
1.healing Offline

Registered: 09/10/10
Posts: 261
Loc: NW Ohio

Society has a long way to go on this issue, not to say things haven't improved in some places, but still there's much work to be done...

#357952 - 03/28/11 11:29 PM Re: Male Rape Victim Shares His Story [Re: 1.healing]
nevragan Offline

Registered: 10/23/08
Posts: 907
Loc: NC
Thanks D for posting the link. I read the story and am outraged that society doesn't do anything about male victimization. What really makes me mad is that NC, my home state, labels it sexual assault and not rape. Men can be raped. That isn't fair, get with the times and upgrade the laws to protect victims. I'm sorry Pete that you had to go thru with all of the invasive proceedures. That wasn't too much info. The more you talk about it, the easier it will be for you.


#357962 - 03/29/11 01:14 AM Re: Male Rape Victim Shares His Story [Re: nevragan]
earlybird Offline

Registered: 02/18/10
Posts: 1007
Thanks for the link Daryl, I have to say it was and is discouraging. I just don't know anymore.

Balanced (My goal)

There is symmetry
In self-reflection
Life exemplified
Grace personified

#357980 - 03/29/11 08:29 AM Re: Male Rape Victim Shares His Story [Re: earlybird]
men_of_hrts.dbw Offline

Registered: 02/20/09
Posts: 302
Loc: Orchidland Big Island Hawaii
I didn't read the attachment, couldn't is a better word, stuff like that is like self-inflicted pain. Then I get to thinking how if only I had seen a public place to go to 30 years ago.

All we really need is a initial contact and referral, office or a building with a person who has collected local, national and online info-literature; resources are there, we found them the hard way.
Hotlines and crisis centers have always been in the public or phone book but I never contacted them because it was all women/childern orientated. I was envious of that. I knew inside I needed help, I just never had a place to go.
I would love to hang a shingle and provide referral to male survivors and especially educating non-victims how to survive abductions and common issues and conditions of post-sexual assault trauma.
Over the past two years I have met many silent victims via talking to non-victims.
We found each other here on the web, if we had a street level organization the support would be there.
Heck, I started a thirty year career with two stain brushes and a antique restoration shop on $550.00.
We're just going to have to do it ourselves.
I met a guy in Texas in 1999 named Mark Houston, he lived in his car and was trying to stay sober in NA/AA and was good at speaking and had a strong message, started doing circuit speaking and always wanted to open a center. In 2004 he did just that, he went and opened The Mark Houston Recovery Center. He passed away in Feb 2010 and his center is a success.
Two drunks, Bill and Bob wrote 12 Steps into a 90 million plus copies sold book/membership. And Donna Norris started the Amber Alert.
Here in Tuolumne and Sonora I go to the Womens Center For A Non-Violent Community, thats the name of the place here for us men--Robin G is a living angel with limited M/M survivorship knowledge but we connected, she calls me a coleague now. I'm the only male visiter, all women and children.
She loved it when I told her about this site-but she knows she is lacking in resources for men, she's a great LCSW and went to bat for me many times.
It's not the professionals fault they don't know what to do with us-most men are unable or unwilling to discuss the trauma--we don't even understand ourselves too well-but put two male survivors together and we trust the environment. I never trusted, I can see/hear/smell inexperience on a therapist now in five minutes.
I bet if most men had knowledgable mental health care for sexual trauma we would not have prolonged issues. Poor MH care made me more instable and getting thru that with daily anguish, I had some anger over that and would go berzerk.
We are the pioneers of this crusade, it took women about a hundred years to get to where they are now.
Now it's our turn and it's getting done. We got our plight in the media and here on the web, now we need to take it to the street.
No piggyback rides, we need our own serivces. We have a lot to offer in society.
Daryl, Thanks for posting this, now I'm motivated again.

Doug>ASA Survivor (1x)
ECV 6001/MaTuCa Chapter 1849
E Clampus Vitus
"What Say the Brethren"
"Hang the Bastards"

#357984 - 03/29/11 10:42 AM Re: Male Rape Victim Shares His Story [Re: men_of_hrts.dbw]
prisonerID Offline
Greeter Emeritus

Registered: 02/17/08
Posts: 1247
Loc: Oklahoma
The following is taken from Susan Estrich's book Real Rape which was written in 1986. It is quoted in the foreward for Male On Male Rape by Michael Scarce(1997).

"Although my focus is on the rape of women, I do not meant to suggest that men are not raped. The general invisibility of the problem of male rape, at least outside the prison context, may reflect the intensity of stigma attached to the crime and the homophobic reactions against its gay victims. In some respects the situation facing male rape victims today is not so different from that which faced female victims about two centuries ago."

I do applaud the man in North Carolina who not only had the courage to come forward with his rape but also to have endured what he had to afterwards. I am also thankful that in spite of all that he still has the inner strength to continue to tell his story. Even if it is without using his real name it is still his story being used to touch others.

I was very fortunate in that the the initial officer was kind and the sex crimes investigator was incredibly sensititve. He had years of experience and kept telling me I was not the only person to have gone through this. I would love to shake his hand today. It is true that the medical staff were professional and they did what they had to do. It was an incredibly uncomfortable time and it was horrifying but they did it as quickly as they could I believe. I kept denying I had been raped but all knew the truth of the matter and treated me with respect. I am very thankful for that but at the time could not really see it as being that way.

One can hope for better days for future generations.


Edited by prisonerID (03/29/11 11:50 AM)
Broad statements often miss their true mark.


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