Who do we blame? That sounds like a valid question, given the life Iíve lived. Iím sure there are many survivors whoíve asked the same question. When I was young my father was in the army, for the most part it wasnít that bad, but Bill was always kind of creepy. He uses to play theses tickle games, and Iíd have to literally scream for my father to make it stop. One day, I rember I had theses cow boy boots that I absolutely loved, but I hated wearing them the way my dad liked them worn. He would tell me ďTom, you donít tuck your pants in to your boots, thatís what girls do.Ē ďBut daddy, how does every one know I have cowboy boots on?Ē Yes even then, I was obviously gay lol. That afternoon I wore them the way I liked them worn, so that there was no mistaking tom had cowboy boots. I rember every one was outside playing, and for some reason I was going up stairs, maybe I wanted to get something, but Bill followed me. I was looking threw my toy chest and he was right here, staring at me while I did it. So I started going down the stairs as fast as I could, then turned and ran down in to the basement, in later years while spending a weekend in the woods, after being raped, I would realize that double backing, or diverting my chaser, was a tactic I knew instinctually almost. I hid behind driers and washers, keeping an eye out around me. Bill, who was handsome and good, looking, kept looking for me all over the place and he could find me, I was just laying there shivering in a ball with my eyes closed. Finally get got mad and started yelling for me, and I got scared, maybe my mom really was looking for me. So I stepped out and he scared the shit out of me, cause he grabbed me up under his arm and I started crying. On the stairs he put me down and started rubbing my crotch, and I donít know why but I suddenly stopped, and I started getting hard. This was not uncommon for me back then. But never like this. Thatís when he yanked down my pants and started masturbating me, it didnítí feel good, it didnít hurt, it didnít feel any thing. But I donít know how much time went by, just that I stared getting more upset and it was making me feel bad. So I started crying and he pulled me up stairs, and pulled my pants out from my boots and straightened them the way my dad like them to be done, then called for my mom and said he found me. My mom ran over and I just burst out sobering loud and hard and every one around me was wondering what happened. I forgot all about this till this year. But Itís made me realize just what Iíve gone threw. This is just part one of my story, and I Feel the need to tell it, and I hope people will here it and respond to it.


"The beginning of eternity
The end of time and space
The beginning of every end,
And the end of every place."
Hint: It's in front of you right now.
(Formerly known as Aberrant30