This letter to my perpetrator may be helpful for some who are looking for the words for their own journey to recovery. My father chose to bring this very private matter into the public forum, so I am now free to openly discuss the matter in order to help others.
We may never meet again and it is important for you to know that I donít harbor ill feelings toward you. I always protected you for my Motherís sake, but the authorities explained that you have clearly implicated yourself as the pedophile that molested Martha [my sister] and me.
Since we first discussed this 30 years ago I never openly identified you as the pedophile but now that you have revealed yourself the secret is out in the open. The cousins, aunts and uncles have shared memories that further identify your role as the perpetrator. After my Mother passed and you stopped pretending to be a Christian father, it freed me from being obligated under your control. Now that your secret is out, it has lifted a tremendous weight from me and has given me a great sense of peace.
You always took great pleasure in seeing your children struggle through life with symptoms of your abuse, which fits the classic behavior of a sociopath. When the authorities wanted to charge and prosecute you, I persuaded them not to pursue a case against you for the sake of the family. They urged me to at least file a civil lawsuit against you, but I refused. In hindsight, we all now wonder how many other children you may have molested during your involvement in Boy Scouts and Childrenís Church. Everyone now understands your history of bonding with men over your wife and your physical fondness for children in families other than your own.
Marthaís [my sisterís] life was destroyed by your molestation. Martha [my sister] always swore she would get revenge on you, which she did. I feel most sorry for [my brother]. You have manipulated him into separating himself from every relative. He is alone because of you and he continues to be your victim. I understand that you are angry because you are powerless to control anyone in the family except [my brother]. I feel sorry for you. Your only life achievement is in destroying the lives of Martha [my sister], [my brother], and yourself.
All of the aunts and uncles tell me you have become the very likeness of your father. I pity you because you were surrounded with wonderful people and yet you lived an isolated existence.
I am thankful I chose a path to forgive you and to live a life that always honored you and my Mother in every decision, even when you were not present. I recognize what a fine job my Mother did in building this family and I am sorry that you missed out on that experience.
To honor my Motherís efforts, the family has located a beautiful final resting-place where her grave will be relocated after you and [my brother] pass. She will be surrounded with those who respect and honor her. The happiness and close bond the family shares is a lasting tribute to my Motherís ability to overcome your failings.
I do forgive you although you are accountable to one greater than I. I pray that you will be safe and well, and that you will find your way to the Lord before you face the Great Judgement. Most of all, I hope your spirit may find the peace in death that you were unable to know during your lifetime.
In Christ, your faithful son,
I have taken to the stand-up comedy stage to educate other male survivors and those who try to love them. I blog about my isolated religious upbringing where physical and sexual abuse were commonplace and I serve as a facilitator of a weekly support group for men who have suffered sexual assault.