Hi there, I just joined. I'm desperately looking for a place to figure this out. I've watched my best friend slowly kill himself for years and years with drugs and alcohol.
I don't want that bad phone call in the middle of the night, you know?
I have known him for over 30 years and I was the first person he ever told back when we were kids. I've been with him every step of the way, as a friend, doing whatever he needed and being whoever he needed me to be at the time. I was in his wedding and I've been friends with his wife for over ten years.
She knows he was abused as well but she only knows the bare minimum. I have suggested that he talk to her about it, but he won't and it's not my place or my information to share with her.
To this day we'll hang out and it's always the same, he gets over the top drunk and then wants to speak with me in private. Which I accomodate of course, then he spends hours crying on my shoulder. It hurts so bad when he does this, I know first hand how he feels. I'm always careful to just listen and let him talk. I never push him, I always gently suggest that he should get professional help and I remind him that I'm not a professional. His response to me is always the same, he says "I know I need help, but I don't want to know". He knows that I'm available 24/7 for him if and when he needs help and he's grateful for that until he's sober, then he is like a stranger to me and that hurts because I consider him my brother, my family. If my dad weren't around on my wedding day, he would have been the one to walk me down the aisle, that's how close we are.
I also feel like a shit because honestly, him and I have been drinking buddies (as much as a girl can be a drinking buddy) for as long as I can remember, so who am I to get drunk and try to hand out advice? UGH!
At one point his wife thought about holding an intervention but I don't think that's a good idea for many reasons which I won't get into right now.
For whatever reason, I have been surrounded by survivors and subjected to this my entire life. I'm beginning to think there's something in the water where I grew up! I'm always the one who is there, who is the rock, who can relate and understand. I'm just so tired.
Anyway, I'm sorry for this long and dramatic post, I'm here to try and figure out some ways to deal with my friend as he is the priority right now. I've tried other on-line places but it seems like this would be the place for an honest male perspective and ideas/suggestions from other women.