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#356707 - 03/16/11 03:35 AM Will he minimize his experience?
eyesforward Offline

Registered: 03/13/11
Posts: 92
Loc: Ontario
We've been together 3 years and will marry this year or next (paperwork). After 6 months into our relationship, he disclosed that the SA occurred and when he's ready occasionally reveals more detail. He's worked with therapists but not someone who is specifically trained and experienced in working with male survivors. Those relationships have produced improvement but not healing or resolution. He's considering working with someone who does have extensive experience and/or a group specifically to work on this and its impact on his life.

My concern:
His tormentor was an older (by 3-4 years?) neighborhood boy. I'm uncertain of the frequency, duration and the full extent of the violation. Regardless of any of those factors, it was still humiliating and abusive and damaging.

Much of the literature focuses on parental, familial, authority figures as the abuser, unfortunately because that's who abuses a lot. I'm concerned that upon reading or hearing about others' experiences, he'll just have more evidence that his abuse wasn't so bad and that he should have put a stop to it all by his 10-year-old-self. Then he'll have reason to stop therapy and working on finding or creating some peace and freedom for himself.

My Request:
Would any family and friends of someone in a similar situation share their thoughts?
Is there a man whose abuse was from a non-familial, non-authority-figure who'd be willing to share his thoughts about this?

I appreciate you taking the time to read this and would be very grateful for your response.

#357131 - 03/20/11 03:45 PM Re: Will he minimize his experience? [Re: eyesforward]
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5781
Loc: Lyons, CO USA
Check out The Men's Project in Ottawa. Rick Goodwin is the director (and used to be a board member here). Don't know the phone number but even if Ottawa is too far, Rick may be able to direct you to a local resource experienced in male issues.

Blissfully retired after 35 years treating sexual abuse

#357160 - 03/20/11 10:49 PM Re: Will he minimize his experience? [Re: Ken Singer, LCSW]
eyesforward Offline

Registered: 03/13/11
Posts: 92
Loc: Ontario
Thanks Ken. I'll contact Rick for some local suggestions.


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