yes, i loved my abuser, my main perp.
he was my older brother and was my surrogate father. my father was cold, didnt like me, and totally unavaiable for any fatherlyness what so ever.
my abuse was of the kinder gentler variety. he groomed me to be his toy from the time i was 4. so it became so natural and usual that i didnt realize how much it had damaged me.
i understand how you feel and honor your struggle. PM me if you want more details or thoughts. i would be glad to share with you man.
take care. you are not alone, you are not alone, and you are cared about with me and with all of us here.
If you cannot control what happens to you, you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.
~ adapted from: Sri Ram