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#356112 - 03/10/11 05:19 PM Re: have to say something TRIGGERS [Re: kb8715]
jurek Offline

Registered: 08/23/10
Posts: 130
Loc: New Hampshire
Please excuse me for playing the philosopher here, but aren't there at least two different aspects of forgiveness here?

One is acceptance of what happened - some sick person(s) acted out their pain by hurting a child in a way that caused immense suffering. By accepting that it happened and giving up trying to figure out why it happened we who were victims can start to move on and heal. We can show everybody compassion in a way and that is good FOR US.

But then there is forgiveness in the sense of taking the offender back into society, and that is something much different and a place I can't go and frankly don't ever want to go. To accept someone back into the fold like that is to remove their responsibility for what they did. Hurting children deliberately, whether you are acting out in doing it or not, is just wrong and EVERY adult who does so has by doing so declared their contempt for humanity. And that's not something you can take back. Maybe god, if he she or it exists can do that be we humans can't and shouldn't ever be asked to, no matter how sorry the perp feels. Their act of contempt cannot be undone. Tough luck, no redos.

That's my take on it. You may agree or not.

Todd, this is a very difficult topic you have brought up and please don't beat yourself up over it too much. We all need to hash this stuff out as people more keenly attuned to everyone's pain than most.. So I thank you for bringing it up.



Jurek ogorek, kielbasa i sznurek, kielbasa uciekla, Jurek do piekla!

#356114 - 03/10/11 05:32 PM Re: have to say something TRIGGERS [Re: kb8715]
Obi Offline

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1634
Loc: kansas

this is tearing me up inside.....

this internal battle that is going on with that survivor side of me and the loyalty i have for my friend/brother.

i read your replies and i feel that pain. i know that pain. it's been with me too. i respect/care/love you guys so much that it pains me to read your hurts and pains coming through. it's like i went through it with you guys too.

then i see my friend/brother who is doing everything he can to right the wrong. the same guy who has treated me golden ever since i've known him. the guy that has treated me better than anyone else i've known. the guy that has always been there for me both day and night. the guy that has protected me. took care of me. been there for me when nobody else would, including my actual family. the guy that was at the hospital next to me the whole time i was there when i had surgery and nobody else was there, not even family.

this is my struggle and i feel all your pain here and feel like i'm betraying that pain because i'm supporting him too.

live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

#356117 - 03/10/11 06:18 PM Re: have to say something TRIGGERS [Re: Obi]
1.healing Offline

Registered: 09/10/10
Posts: 261
Loc: NW Ohio
Dear Obi,

For what it's worth from a guy who struggles often with the fact that his perp is an unrepentant, selfish, coward. Had that perp taken real responsibility for what he did to me, did all the work necessary to stop his behavior, made amends to me and my family and his family. I would still never forget what he did to me, but I could forgive him.

Some people are capable of redemption, which sounds like your friend, and some (probably most perps actually) are not. They like we are not all the same. Seems to me any person who has been repentant and has shown it through positive change, has the right to be forgiven and supported by a loving friend. If that person ever re-offends then you would naturally reevaluate the situation.

I hope you can resolve the conflict that's tearing you up inside and come to peace with it. Perhaps you'll want to talk with your friend about this too. That could reinforce for him the importance that he remain on the high road, if he ever feels a moment of weakness.

You have a good heart, I hope it stops hurting soon.


"It's never too late to be what you might have been."

George Elliot

"You cannot find peace by avoiding life."

Virginia Woolf

#356123 - 03/10/11 06:53 PM Re: have to say something TRIGGERS [Re: 1.healing]
RecoveryReady1 Offline

Registered: 12/05/10
Posts: 433
I always thought I had this special kind of sensitivity to people.
An ability to respond in a compassionate way to almost any situation, with objectivity and insight....
This was something I prided myself on.....secretly I thought of myself as above this way....
But having been here, and listening to others.....I am suspecting that it's a result of the suffering.....still I am amazed at how advanced people here are at being in the middle of an emotional hurricane....and responding with such poise, compassion and insight....way beyond me......and not just some people here, but most....
This is my comment on the thread.....I have nothing to say really about the issue put least right now...
As always, all the best

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