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#35479 - 06/20/02 09:24 PM Re: Mad that I have to deal with all of this
Ken Followell Offline
Past President

Registered: 12/30/01
Posts: 992
Loc: Bradenton, FL

Sorry you needed to find this site but glad you did. I understand the feelings you have expressed so well. Please use this siteas a way to start "talking" about it. It will help. It is only when we can say out loud what has happened to us the we start to have some freedom from the effects.

The chatroom is very helpful as well. A lot of courageous and compassionate men stop by there to share in this journey.


Ken Followell

Everything works out right in the end. If things are not working right, it isn't the end yet. Don't let it bother you, relax and keep on goin
- Michael C. Muhammad

"I get up. I walk. I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing."
� Rabbi Hillel

#35480 - 06/20/02 09:26 PM Re: Mad that I have to deal with all of this
Cement Offline

Registered: 06/05/02
Posts: 740
Loc: Southern California
I arrived here myself just a few weeks ago. Welcome, best of luck, glad to have ya...

I, too, am going through a bout with depression and gnawing frustration. Anger is maybe a second away at any given moment. Nobody gets me, nobody respects me and they all want to hurt me.

My mother told me I had the highest IQ of anyone ever tested in my town. You know what I hear from that? Why haven't I accomplished more? In my chosen profession I deal with egos the size of, I dunno, something really big. My 'sales pitches' are rejected 90% of the time AT LEAST. Am I the creator of my own undoing or are all these fucking people assholes?

I want to let you know you are not alone. There are a lot of guys, good guys with very good hearts here.

Peace, to us all.

And let the darkness fear our light.

#35481 - 06/20/02 10:20 PM Re: Mad that I have to deal with all of this
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Someday you will find the courage to talk to your wife, you'll know when it's right. And hopefully you'll get the understanding you need, most of us seem to. If you married because you love each other and you still do you probably will.
You're right about "underachieving" and feeling "inferior"- it doesn't matter how clever we might be, abuse leaves us feeling that way, but it is possible to overcome those feelings.
But it's hard work, make no mistake about that, and I would strongly reccomend a good therapist. Find one that knows about, or solely deals with, SA.
It's tempting to think that because we think we're "smart" we can do it ourselves, but personally I don't think we can. We need guidance, someone to make us think of all the angles, without that we go round in circles.
But you've made a great start coming here, telling us has relieved you of part of the secret, the most important step.
There's a good feeling here, plenty of support and help, and somewhere to unload.
Lloydy \:\)

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

#35482 - 06/21/02 01:25 AM Re: Mad that I have to deal with all of this
getteddie Offline

Registered: 07/19/01
Posts: 226
Loc: Cub Hill, Md
Hi Will,
Get a good "Male SA Therapist" and he or she will tell you when to tell your wife!!!! He or she will get you everything that you will need to go on!....GET A THERAPIST TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



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