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#350736 - 01/14/11 01:53 PM Re: Protecting the perpetrator [Re: RecoveryReady1]
RecoveryReady1 Offline

Registered: 12/05/10
Posts: 433
I must say that having this support to communicate is so helpful. For a long time I could think of standing up for the child...not caving in to situations where I feel used or rejected...but I could not sustain the stength on my own...I would very soon fall back to thinking it was my fault and that I should be making more of an effort to help people who abusive or cold to me....Now I get a sense that it's real, I don't have to fall back, I can maintain this self validation....The problem before was each time I would fall back it was another reminder that I not worth looking after....It's a bad cycle down...This is a good cycle forward...

#350767 - 01/14/11 06:28 PM Re: Protecting the perpetrator [Re: WriterKeith]
westchesterguy Offline

Registered: 11/13/09
Posts: 421
Loc: Westchester County NY
Originally Posted By: WriterKeith
.. through this tendency to protect your abuser?

when it only involved me, yes. however, that clearly reflected a very low self esteem in the first place. i'd intended to just take the secret to the grave and suffer the consequences.

when it involved others, as was the case with my sister, no. immediately told and there were no longer any issues or guilt when everything centered upon helping her. (screw my needs, different topic.)


#353892 - 02/16/11 10:45 PM Re: Protecting the perpetrator [Re: RecoveryReady1]
WriterKeith Offline

Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 980
Loc: California
I came back to say that Mike Lew's book, "Victims No Longer" has been helpful in answering my original question on this post. I needed to know the "why" of some of the events and reactions, and the book certainly helped me clear the table and hit balls in the corner pockets.

Rack 'em up, I'm ready for a new game!

I have taken to the stand-up comedy stage to educate other male survivors and those who try to love them. I blog about my isolated religious upbringing where physical and sexual abuse were commonplace and I serve as a facilitator of a weekly support group for men who have suffered sexual assault.

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