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#352209 - 01/28/11 08:06 PM Living within my means
RecoveryReady1 Offline

Registered: 12/05/10
Posts: 433
I have recently made the decision to live within my means...and it has made a big difference ...I was borrowing money to buy smokes and beers from people who were not good for me and should not be in my inner circle....Then I was caught in the cycle of smoking, drinking and hanging with people who are not supportive and make me feel awful about myself.,....2 weeks no smoking or boozing and no hanging with undesirable people....Those things were a trap and blocking any hope of recovery.....Now I am not going between 2 worlds...The world of speaking up and validating and then going and putting up with awful behavior from others....nothing worse than being in between 2 worlds...

#352210 - 01/28/11 08:13 PM Re: Living within my means [Re: RecoveryReady1]
Magellan Offline

Registered: 01/01/11
Posts: 1595
Loc: California

Thanks for the inspiring words!


#352211 - 01/28/11 08:13 PM Re: Living within my means [Re: RecoveryReady1]
RecoveryReady1 Offline

Registered: 12/05/10
Posts: 433
There is lonliness that I need to put up with ...but it's well worth it....I can see how I suffered in those relationships trying to reach out to others and not feeling accepted or cared for...I was always left with a feeling of not being good enough...and a frustration...Repeating this pattern has kept me from moving forward.....Also feeling that I couldn't live within my means kept me on a crazy rollercoaster of emotions.....Going back to the people who left me feeling lousy in the first place..then drinking and smoking away those awful feelings..

#352214 - 01/28/11 08:24 PM Re: Living within my means [Re: RecoveryReady1]
RecoveryReady1 Offline

Registered: 12/05/10
Posts: 433
I'm aware from past experience in 12step programs that it's not enough to stop the bad things......I'm great at being able to force myself to stop doing anything.....There has to be a start to do things as well...and that can't be just running ahead of myself and mega socialize...set goals with career....hobbies etc....that's the mistake I would make in the past...I could never sustain it because I was still invalidating myself and putting way too much pressure on myself.....That can be just as bad as the obvious bad behaviors....smoking and drinking.....At least just as painful....Now the focus is to stay in touch with what I need to say and how I feel and how I was abandoned and how I abandoned myself. It's a process and I'm sure there is much I can't see right now but it is clear to me that this is the next right step....


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