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#352149 - 01/28/11 12:02 AM Someone else's answer?
RecoveryReady1 Offline

Registered: 12/05/10
Posts: 433
I have been looking for someone else to have the answer..instead of trusting myself....Over the past 20 years I have become less and less tolerent of the fantasy that I had a large caring family....but each time I think I hit a new level of truth around it I realize that I am still not being my gut my feeling inside what it felt like to be in that environment...The only way I a achived any kind of sanity has been to go deeper and deeper down this path..It's the only part of my recovery that has been consistent....the more I do it the better I feel....the more I feel connected to myself...gounded

#352176 - 01/28/11 01:34 PM Re: Someone else's answer? [Re: RecoveryReady1]
r.m. Offline

Registered: 01/18/11
Posts: 106

I read this last night and I have to be honest with you: I had my wife read it. After reading it, she said to me, "Did you change your screen name?" I laughed, but she was serious.

This topic came up with my T on Wednesday and I just talked to my wife last night about how my view of my brother (my perp) was scrambled two months ago when I recalled the memories. Now, after my T appt. on Wed., my idea of my family has greatly changed because of the betrayal and lack of support.

You're healing.

You're helping.

Thank you!

#352181 - 01/28/11 02:30 PM Re: Someone else's answer? [Re: r.m.]
WriterKeith Offline

Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 980
Yet another area in which I am not alone? Since I found this discussion board, even if I were to try I couldn't be the odd man out! :-)

I too have learned that those who, by nature, should have loved me most were unable to love anyone. However, through a recent family crisis, I learned that others in my family love me beyond anything I could have imagined. I have had my plate full the past 20 years, finding my way through my CSA.

This is probably the most tragic loss MSs suffer: being unaware that love is within reach and even being offered to us daily.

#352191 - 01/28/11 04:44 PM Re: Someone else's answer? [Re: WriterKeith]
RecoveryReady1 Offline

Registered: 12/05/10
Posts: 433
I have to agree, this is the most tragic loss....And at times I have become profoundly aware of this love that is being offered to me and is all around me when I am able to tune into it and be ready to recieve it.........But I also know that until I come out of the trance about my past......I will never really be able to truly receive that is fleeting and I always wondered why the ability to sustain it leaves me...
I tried being nicer to people and was able to attract many great people into my life.....but that did not help me in the long run...without coming out of the trance....there is no hope for me...I so appreciate this site and you guys...because for the first time in my life, I am able to consistently speak to this trance like state....and I can see the progress....
As always, All the best Keith

#352193 - 01/28/11 04:59 PM Re: Someone else's answer? [Re: r.m.]
RecoveryReady1 Offline

Registered: 12/05/10
Posts: 433
I have to laugh because this shows the circle ...that we are so much helping and validating each other.....I was really awakened to this again when you shared with me about your T session....To me this issue is the core of the recovery.....I don't think the issue is the abuse so much as it is the not having anywhere to turn after being so horribly violated....I believe that a child can OVERCOME the effects of anything if he has the support and validation...Also as a child, I don't think I would have been susceptible if I had been in a supportive environment....You reminded me of that insidious "lack of awareness" of the missing support...Maybe too freakin wordy...but I am striving to be clear.


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