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#351506 - 01/21/11 09:18 PM Predator
Riley Offline

Registered: 01/11/09
Posts: 599
Loc: USA
I have always fought with myself because I don't really have that much anger at my perp, never really did. Sure I was mad at what was happening to me and sometimes even projected that anger onto other stuff when I was younger, but I never really get mad at my perp for what he did to me, just mad at his actions.

I realized something the other night. I was watching some documentary on the FBI, very harmless talked mostly about terrorists and yadda yadda yadda. But they interviewed one guy in particular very briefly.

He was the leader of the behavioral unit that fights crimes against children. The guy had no kind of law degree or psychology degree or law enforcement degree (actually he may have had some kind of law degree thinking back to it but thats regardless). Instead he had a PhD in zoology with a specialty in predatory animals like lions and stuff. He then briefly made some connections between animal predators and pedophiles.

The news tosses around the word predator when talking about pedophiles almost weekly but I realized after watching that documentary and hearing the similarities between lions and sickos that I still don't group my brother in with all the pedophiles/predators you hear about in the news. Even with the knowledge that I was abused as a child and viewing first hand the pain that he caused me I still subconsciously make excuses for him. But when I went check, check, check as the guy listed off the actions of predators I realized wow my perp really was a predator which means he really is as bad as those sickos on tv.

#351509 - 01/21/11 09:43 PM Re: Predator [Re: Riley]
WriterKeith Offline

Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 980
I "get" what you are saying, Riley. My father was my predator. For the sake of my mom and siblings, I protected him and didn't say anything to anyone. Until adulthood, that is, when everything unraveled and my father became overconfident that none of us would ever tell.
Little by little, we all began talking. The surprising thing is, my father's passive aggressive behavior escalated into all out unending emotional assault.
Although I have secretly hated him all my life, my anger has not been directed at him. My anger has been directed at myself and has manifested itself in many ways.
For some reason, it is easier for me to forgive my predator than it is to forgive myself. In my case, it was part of the programming that a predator does to a 3-year old boy.


#351510 - 01/21/11 09:46 PM Re: Predator [Re: Riley]
h.beat,h.break Offline

Registered: 06/05/09
Posts: 124
Loc: New York
So, now knowing that your perp is indeed a predator how does that make you feel about him now? Do you still make excuses for what he did or do you think you still might need some time to allow all of the information to sink in?

Just to input for myself here; I never saw my brother or cousin as predators either. But lions and tigers don't hunt other lions and tigers everyday. There's too much at risk fighting an animal that is on equal footing as you are so, yes, my oldest brother and my cousin are predators. We were weak and helpless then but things are different now. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on the matter and good healing brother.

Hey, if "black sheep" means you're the only non-douche of the family, take that with some pride.

#351519 - 01/21/11 11:16 PM Re: Predator [Re: Riley]
RecoveryReady1 Offline

Registered: 12/05/10
Posts: 433
Love to hear that awareness......I know exactly what you mean...I have the same with family members.....not with the actual csa but with other abuse....very difficult to have an objective view......I was tormented by a brother, but I felt sorry for him because he was abused by my father and he spent so many years in jail....but he hurt people...robbed the end he killed someone.....Crazy how I felt sorry for him and he was abusive to me.
Anyway....thanks again ....I think the support with this allows me to see the truth.
All the best RR


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