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#351414 - 01/21/11 01:44 AM Weekend away with the Mrs.
r.m. Offline

Registered: 01/18/11
Posts: 106
This weekend is my wife's birthday. We have always gone away for the weekend around her birthday; to a casino, hotel, resort type thing. It's a mid-winter release for both of us to get away from the kids for a couple of days and away from home to have a little "adult" fun.

This has always been fun and relaxing weekend, but this year (being the first year of my recollections of abuse) I'm a little concerned how it will be for me. Since I started having the flashbacks and memories surface, I've shied away from any sort of intimacy. She knows this and we've talked about it. She understands because she too suffers at the hands of CSA.

Just looking for some support, words of encouragement, anything from my friends. Thanks all!


#351464 - 01/21/11 02:36 PM Re: Weekend away with the Mrs. [Re: r.m.]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Hi RM, and welcome to MS, glad you are here working through your recovery. Memories of the past have a way of being invasive in all moments of our lives, especially when we least want them around. When I was fresh into recovery and going through therapy, the thing that I found helped me the most in the area of being able to remain sexually intimate with my wife was to remain focused on HER and who she is. She is not the abuser; she is the woman that I've longed for all my life and vowed to spend it with. Keeping that thought in mind helped me to override any other unwanted ones from entering the picture during intimacy. Basically, it becomes all about her, and not about me; being focused on her pleasure instead of myself.

I hope y'all have a great, relaxing weekend together!


#351488 - 01/21/11 06:15 PM Re: Weekend away with the Mrs. [Re: EGL]
r.m. Offline

Registered: 01/18/11
Posts: 106

Thanks so much for bringing me back to reality. Great words of encouragement to any husband, survivor or not. We'll see how it goes.

P.S. Can't wait to hit the hot tub!


#351490 - 01/21/11 06:22 PM Re: Weekend away with the Mrs. [Re: r.m.]
sono Offline

Registered: 07/19/09
Posts: 1069
Have a great weekend! Yes indeed, being in the here and now is always difficult in recovery since so much time is spent in the past. Try like hell to turn that stuff off for the weekend!


the family
the perp

#351501 - 01/21/11 07:43 PM Re: Weekend away with the Mrs. [Re: r.m.]
tommyb Offline

Registered: 11/29/10
Posts: 917
Loc: American South


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