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#35105 - 11/18/03 03:17 AM trigger: just found out perp is back in the neighborhood
theo Offline

Registered: 09/28/03
Posts: 1122
does it ever stop? does it ever really stop??

just got an e-mail from my sister who is in really desperate straights with her six kids and one grandson (they are homeless now and there is nothing i can do about it). she married into a twisted family years ago, but divorced yet maintains contact with them. now in her time of desperation she is considering going back to where her former inlaws live. that would be bad enough since they are all into drugs and stuff, but the plot thickens because she heard the perp that assaulted both of us when we were 4-7 is back in his old stomping ground, the same place as her former inlaws. i am just now starting to recall the hell that asshole put me and her through buit i think he is long gone only to find out he his one hour away from where i live right now. the funny thing is, my therapist asked me last week what i would do if i ran into him on the street. i don't need to elaborate here, but that was a hypothetical situation...this is real. i had to shut down to prevent my first impulse but i really don't know what to do. when does it stop????????

journey well,
theo dewolfe

- It is gift, and gift will find its way
- I inherit through my choice. I build through my affirmation. It is through my freedom that I nurture, or fade into autonomy
- I was not given to serve life, but to embrace it

#35106 - 11/18/03 08:40 AM Re: trigger: just found out perp is back in the neighborhood
Wifey1 Offline

Registered: 12/03/02
Posts: 380
This hurts! A representation of just exactly HOW the perps STILL get to roam free & continue to have the ability to repeat the violence yet again.
I just wanted to share that it is okay... perfectly okay to think about how you would respond if you saw him on the street. Remember tho' you still have control over whether you place yourself in a position of confrontation of this asshole.
My one sister still has almost daily contact with our main perp. I knew the shitbag was still in the tiny town she & I grew up in. Very active in that community... I went to visit her with much reluctance but had wanted so badly to connect with HER I took the risk of running into that shit. I never "ran into him" but I did run into his "now wife" & his kiddos. The wife glared at me & I was so wrapped up in my sister & nephew @ the time I just stared blankly at her when I recognized WHO it was. I wasnt exactly paralyzed with fear... stunned but not afraid? The look on her face told a huge story of her OWN fears & frustrations. It was then and only then that I had validation that he had in fact told her of my confrontation with him & what exactly was said (he thought i was after his money blech!) Later @ a "parade" he & she were riding in some fancy car waving like kings & queens... I sat next to my sis & mom & imagined pinging that shithead with rotten fruit & while others around me ooo'd & ahh'd I just blurted out I couldnt believe this whole stupid little town would celebrate KNOWN pedophile!
To this day I still am completely baffled WHY my sister continues to have contact with him & that bunch of shitheads? I pretty much resigned myself to the fact that she continued to be abused long after she was married & became "an adult". I dont know WHY my sister absolutely REFUSES to discuss the abuse. She has not DENIED it to my face that it happened only "DONT EVER TALK ABOUT THIS AGAIN!" \:\(
I'm sorry you are feeling so pain ... be sure to take care of YOU & protect YOU along this part of your journey. Share with Lady Theo & I bet she will hold your hand thru talking about this & feeling the tons of emotions that come with it. I know for me there was / is genuine heartbreak FOR my own sis & her choices about how she deals with her abuse.
Peace, Sammy

#35107 - 11/18/03 10:23 PM Re: trigger: just found out perp is back in the neighborhood
crisispoint Offline

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
Theo, my brother,

I am sorry to hear about your situation. It really sounds horrible!

Does it ever end? I can't answer that because I ask it every day. My life is collapsing down around me even as we speak. Not even related to my abuse, but it's really bad. And I ask myself every day. Does it ever end?

Brother, you are showing good judgment in avoiding this man, these feelings you have. But you also seem to want to act on them. You've gotta ask yourself, is it worth it? Is it worth going to jail, is it worth losing your mind over, giving this choob one more thought that he doesn't deserve?

Believe me when I say I understand what you're going through. We all do. I know it isn't easy. I can't answer your question. All I can say is that I care about you, I value you, and I want you here for a long, long time. Please think about it before you do anything rash. It's not worth it, Theo. It really isn't. You're worth so much more than that @$$hole.

Peace and love, bro.


There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies


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