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#349667 - 01/03/11 08:26 PM Re: Affect on career [Re: WriterKeith]
h.beat,h.break Offline

Registered: 06/05/09
Posts: 124
Loc: New York
These are survival mechanism's from the abuse we've encountered in our lives. It is hard to shut it off even for a second because we have no idea what will happen. Regardless of what you do, the abuse is like a cancer. It affects everything we do so I'm not surprised to read about how it has impacted your career.

Feeling safe at our jobs is difficult especially when we know the gossip that goes on there. People can be snakes, but there are also some nice furry rabbits out there too laugh As you continue to progress in your recovery, you will come to a point where you will feel comfortable letting people into your personal life. It's a step I'm trying to take myself and it's not easy, but I'm seeing results. You will too.

Hey, if "black sheep" means you're the only non-douche of the family, take that with some pride.

#349780 - 01/05/11 01:07 AM Re: Affect on career [Re: h.beat,h.break]
WalkTheWalk Offline

Registered: 03/06/10
Posts: 57
Loc: Wisconsin
Great topic that I can also relate to!

I have had a strong career and have advanced through the ranks in my industry, but twice in my career, I have had the misfortune of reporting to someone with whom I totally mistrusted. In both of those situations, I was at a loss for how to handle it. I know my feeling at the time was simular to being victimized as a kid (they had all of the power, I had no power) and in both cases I did poorly in defending myself and working with them. In fact, I resigned in both instances, rather than stand up to them.

The other thing that I have found puzzling in business is the inability to drill down to the truth on issues. For those of us who have gone through therapy, we know that there are no positive outcomes if you can not work with truth. I have found myself in more than one uncomfortable situation when someone has asked, "WalkTheWalk,what is you opinion?"

- The pain of our past can have influence in molding a better person than we might have been otherwise.

- Sometimes boys with a thousand nightmares become men with a million blessings.

#350432 - 01/12/11 07:40 AM Re: Affect on career [Re: WriterKeith]
risingagain Offline

Registered: 11/10/10
Posts: 597
Loc: Vancouver, BC, Canada
Thanks Westchesterguy, WalktheWalk, and Writerkeith for this.

It's pretty relieving - i get the sense from your emails that you are all very different people with different life experience - that all of our careers have been affected by the way we suffered abuse.


So yeah, I think the dynamic in my company really mirrors my childhood abuse. I am making about 50% of what I should be making (based on previous salary, experience etc). The president is a pretty controlling guy, doesn't trust his staff, expects the world without considering what his top people are telling him... I believe he is coming from a wounded place a lot of the time.

I confronted him yesterday on some of the issues, so at least now there is a dialog. I am trying to be honest and diplomatic.

thanks for your feedback guys.


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