Hello to all:
My name is Drew. I am 24 and live on Ontario Canada. I started to come here maybe 1 month ago something like that and I wanted to say thank you to those i have chatted with - or even not chatted just watched read and learned from.
I was reading posts. I am amazed how open people are about all this. more i am amaze and relief that im not only one feels how i do - confused scared uncertain all that.
Of all things im uncertain about my sexuality is not one. i am gay. im not ashamed about that. i was sexually abuse by my father when i was 8 - 10. he hurt my brother same way. my father was his step father that made some important difference im sure because abuse was much worse to my brother then to me. for him lasted more years and my father hurt him more. hit him etc. no need to explain all that.
why i am writing all this? because i need to. i hope im writing in proper place. if not im sorry and please i mean offence to no one.
i have always remember what happen to my brother and me. but i never give much thought to it for years. now im older. i want relationships and someone to be with in my life. and now.. in looking for that i find past is something following me and i cant put it out of my head anymore.
what am i looking for here? for same thing i think so many others here looking for. how to have relationship with someone and not be afraid. i want to be held and to hold someone and look into his face and see him - not my father. reading posts here and from what i experience from chatting here i think maybe some people have some answers to help. i know i wont forget what happen. im not expecting that. i just want to go back to feel like real person again not someone who is full of fear over nothing.
i hope this post makes sense to you all. you can see by my name and yes its ok to ask
i am deaf. i prefer sign to english but is hard to post that way!
also after reading here for past hour or so. i admit i am full of so much emotion. i am take advantage of computer world and laying it out for everyone. im tired of holding inside and pretending im ok. so here i am. someone posted about being tired of living in silence. i feel like that. not silence like Deaf silence. silence like hiding silence. i dont want to hide anymore any of this. i just want it over. i just want to be like everyone else to go out with someone i care about and be ok and let them be ok with me and not act like some crazy freak and panic scare them away so they think im nuts when some is only trying to be close to me in ways that i want to.
enough said. to much maybe. i dont know. but is done.
to those of you i have chat with before - thanks. is your support i am even here writing this. admiting any of it. im looking forward
to chatting more someone with people who can understand and i can learn from.
be safe and well all of you