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#35001 - 03/10/04 08:45 PM He was "just joking"! (POSSIBLE TRIGGER!)
crisispoint Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
The guy I was talking about yesterday sent me an e-mail. He said he was "just joking" and he added a "ha ha ha" afterward, and even said I shouldn't be so mad.

Just joking.

FUCK HIM!

HOW IN THE HELL CAN YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT AND THEN WANT IT TO BE A FUCKING JOKE?!?!?!? OH, YEAH, "JUST JOKING" MAKES IT FUCKING OKAY TO SAY SOMETHING COMPLETELY AND INCREDIBLY INSENSITIVE TO SOMEONE YOU SUPPOSEDLY CARE ABOUT!!! HOW DARE HE?! HOW FUCKING DARE HE??????!!!!!!


Goddamnit, I am so FUCKING MAD. Reach out to someone, have him say he cares, the whole nine yards, and he says something like this. Then when I call him on it, he's just joking.

Damn. I didn't realize what someone said could hurt me so much again.

Shows what happens when I trust someone. \:\(

D.T.A. from now on. Love is a fucking illusion.

I'm sorry I'm ranting like this. I have no where else to and I'm physically and mentally collapsing.

Scot

_________________________
There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

fromacuriousmind.blogspot.com
malehurtandsurvive.blogspot.com

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#35002 - 03/10/04 09:37 PM Re: He was "just joking"! (POSSIBLE TRIGGER!)
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Scot rant your brains out with us. It is cathartic.

Quote:
I'm sorry I'm ranting like this. I have no where else to and I'm physically and mentally collapsing.
You are stronger than that Scot so dont do it ok. Now I think he is an asshole but an uniformed one. He still is in the dark about the effects of SA.

Scot you are better man than your perps or he is and dont forget that ok. Yeh we all get hurt. But dont risk shutting down because of one bad experience.


((((((((((((((((((((SCOT))))))))))))))))))

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#35003 - 03/10/04 10:21 PM Re: He was "just joking"! (POSSIBLE TRIGGER!)
breakinfree Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/05/04
Posts: 28
Loc: MA
scot,
empty it, when you are full. There is no better place then here, amongst true friends..We know the pain, and we are all here for the same reason. The anger is your strength, and we are all sooo strong, at least I am learning I am, (sometimes).. People say stupid things when they don't understand, and when they fuck up some people can't put into words a true appology, so "I was just joking" was probably more so a "that was so stupid to say, I am sorry"..maybe..
Chris

_________________________
"I have a simple philosophy. Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. And scratch where it itches."

Alice Lee Longworth

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#35004 - 03/10/04 10:26 PM Re: He was "just joking"! (POSSIBLE TRIGGER!)
jwh Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/18/01
Posts: 98
Loc: dallas, tx
I just want to validate your visceral response: FUCK HIM!!!!!

He sounds like the same kind of person as the "friends" I used to hang around with. I feel rage when I think about the insensitivity of these people. Granted it may come from ignorance, but ignorance is no excuse for cruelty.

Sorry that happened to you--it's awful.
Jeff

_________________________
"I've been waiting for a guide to come and take me by the hand... Could these sensations make me feel the pleasures of a normal man?"--Ian Curtis, Joy Division

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#35005 - 03/10/04 10:39 PM Re: He was "just joking"! (POSSIBLE TRIGGER!)
Em Offline
Member

Registered: 01/19/04
Posts: 38
Loc: North East Ohio
Scot,

Quote:
Love is a fucking illusion.
I believe that love is a choice, and so is trust. Please don't let some jerk prevent you from trusting others. Remember that you are good person, therefore there must be other good people.

Em


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#35006 - 03/10/04 11:04 PM Re: He was "just joking"! (POSSIBLE TRIGGER!)
LupinIII Offline
Member

Registered: 02/21/04
Posts: 156
I may be a nutter right now, but I second the notion of F him. Bad enough he made that assholic comment yesterday but to then downplay it as a joke sounds like minimization to me.

I udnerstand that people don't always understand the effects and severity of SA but there is a fine line between not understanding and being an insensitive jackass.

Now with that said he may have his own issues getting in the way here, but during your recovery is this the sort of perosn you need in your life? Plus, if I understand correctly, this is a long distance relationship and the only thing worse, IMO, than a dysfunctional f-ed up relationship is a long distance f-ed up relationship.

I hope u feel better bruddah.


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#35007 - 03/11/04 12:25 AM Re: He was "just joking"! (POSSIBLE TRIGGER!)
FlyWM Offline
Member

Registered: 09/14/03
Posts: 322
Loc: Michigan
I'm sorry this happened to you Scot, it is terrible when someone tries to hide behind that phrase "just joking."

As for your DTA, well I think you need to trust, but it has to be someone worth trusting, someone who won't use your trust against you, and someone who isn't so ignorant. I hope you can find some good people to trust soon, PM me if you need someone to vent to, I'm here.

scott

_________________________
Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible in not a declaration, it's a dare.

--Adidas

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#35008 - 03/11/04 01:26 AM Re: He was "just joking"! (POSSIBLE TRIGGER!)
Bill_1965 Offline
Chat Mod Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/29/03
Posts: 1984
Loc: Flint, Michigan
Scot,

I'll third that "FUCK HIM".

Hiding behing a "just a joke". Is this the way to try to shift the blame from him to you for taking it personal? I say FUCK HIM.

Go hurt all the people you want and it will all be alright it you say, "just a joke". That's even worse than "But, I said I'm sorry." At least there they claimed a little of the blame. Again I say FUCK HIM.

Take care,
Bill

P.S. Rant away, FUCK THEM, they don't deserve for us to hold it in.

_________________________
Pain is Temporary; Quitting lasts Forever. - Lance Armstrong

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#35009 - 03/11/04 08:09 AM Re: He was "just joking"! (POSSIBLE TRIGGER!)
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
Scot,

another person, another friend of mine, went through a similar experience recently, and ended up telling the person that he can not be friends anymore, that he is not seeking out further abuse. The person turned on him, and led him to feel worse of that choice, even though it was what was good for him. Please do not get thrown back into an acquaintanceship with that person, he has already proven how much he disrespects you. You are much better then all this.

leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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#35010 - 03/11/04 11:32 AM Re: He was "just joking"! (POSSIBLE TRIGGER!)
parttimecop Offline
Member

Registered: 03/05/04
Posts: 139
People just joking are a good part of the reason I am who I am. The abuse set it up and then the jokes knocked me down. That is why even in my late twenties I still have struggles with self esteem and self image.

People can be assholes, I know I am one myself at times. As for love, I am trying to learn what that is aside from my preconcieved notions. Trying to amplify what others have said, love is a choice. Some choose to be mean and little in one way or another. It fucking hurts sometimes, but that is the way it is. I and others on this board know about pain being inflicted. You could say we are subject matter experts as certain military types put it. What I can say is experience the pain, don't deny or ignore it, but don't dwell on it either. Just experience and let go.

For me the most painful thing is rejection. I choose to avoid it because it brings back so many painful memories and regrets. Well you can only carry so many burdens. Don't let another one be added. FIDO, Fuck It Drive On.


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#35011 - 03/11/04 12:13 PM Re: He was "just joking"! (POSSIBLE TRIGGER!)
phoster Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/21/03
Posts: 758
Loc: ohio
Laying this out there is hard enough, and then to be discounted and not really heard is hard. I have told people, and they have now become distant from me. There is always a risk when you tell, and you are catching that risk now. I try reminding myself that everyone has to cope with this stuff. Child sexual abuse is painful for everyone, even those that havenít lived it are thrown for a loop when faced with the brutal truth. It is such an affront to them that they have to deal with it by blowing it off, or even making a joke of it. I try reminding myself that everyone I drag into this has to go through the healing and recovery process in their own way. They too have to then cope with my abuse, and how it affects them. Sure you were reaching out for support and someone to love you, but in reaching out you made him part of your cycle of abuse. You laid a whole lot of pain and unpleasantness on him. I know it took me a long time to deal with it, and I expect each person I tell to go through a process of dealing with it. Ideally our loved ones would respond with immediate support, but I would rather have the truth out there than false hope. I would rather they take time to understand it, and if they come back and help me, it is for real instead of pretend. I want those in my life to be real, and to be able to count on them. give him time, and see. he may surprise you yet.

_________________________
compassion is a light even to the darkest soul

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#35012 - 03/15/04 05:26 AM Re: He was "just joking"! (POSSIBLE TRIGGER!)
Texas_Mike Offline
Member

Registered: 01/17/04
Posts: 135
Loc: San Antonio, Texas-The Lone-St...
scot...

some people are shit-heads...i know your not.

check this:

http://spaz.ca/aaron/billious/RCYS/

_________________________
"Passion, excitement, and confidence are the important medicines that you need every day"

Run 2 Live-Live 2 Run

Best,
"The Desert Runner" Mike

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