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#34996 - 04/12/01 04:15 PM Re: Anyone else got this problem?
michael Joseph Offline

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
You might not want to wait till summer to get help. Especially if you are feeling bad about yourself. Are you aware of helplines, sometimes they have lists of people you can speak to. Take care of yourself.

Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

#34997 - 04/25/01 07:13 AM Re: Anyone else got this problem?
Broken Offline

Registered: 03/25/01
Posts: 273
Loc: Huntingtun Beach, CA, US
I never had those kind of desires, but i think i could have. Maybe it sounds strange but i, and most others like me, understand why you feel the way you do, and we don't loathe you. In fact, i respect you, because you are fighting so hard to keep control. It isn't your fault you feel this way, in many ways, your thoughts arent your own. It's hard to accept that you might be have bad thoughts, but sometimes its harder to except you don't have total control over yourself. We all think things we don't want to, we all make decisions we regret. It doesnt make you a bad person. Life has been hard on us, and our minds sometimes defend ourselves in ways we can't understand.

It's amazing how easy healing seems once you bring everything out sometimes. Just let go of your shame and tell somebody, work though it however you can. It feels like jumping off a cliff, but it is like ripping a huge chunk out of the darkness thats been builing up inside you. Shame is what binds us, it's what keeps us chained in a life of misery. The sooner you let go of shame, the less it can hurt you, and the freer you will be.

were all here for you, so don't be afraid to say anything and everything you think and feel. Take care.

#34998 - 08/22/01 04:42 AM Re: Anyone else got this problem?
Harry Offline

Registered: 04/09/01
Posts: 143
Loc: California
i'm tired of not being open here with you guys because i've found more support here than anywhere else. so i'm gonna post more often now. and i also brought up this old post of mine because it was the first time i was really open and vented in this forum.

so here's a short update:
summers over. didnt get therapy yet. went to dr. and got antidepressents which are working. but still need therapy because i am still a very very very fucked up piece of shit of a person for feeling what i do. going back to school in Los Angeles tomorrow. going to call around for appointments with psychologists there so i can get help while at school. we'll see how it goes from there. so basically, i don't hate myself any less than before, but i have a little more hope for changing myself.

In the name of the Anger, and of the Sadness, and of the Unholy Fear. Amen.

#34999 - 08/22/01 02:41 PM Re: Anyone else got this problem?
Brian B14 Offline

Registered: 05/04/01
Posts: 122
Loc: New York
Hi Harry,

Its great to see you posting again. We are all here for you. I look forward to reading your posts.

Good Luck and God Bless You,

Brian \:\)

#35000 - 08/22/01 04:40 PM Re: Anyone else got this problem?
Just Call me J Offline

Registered: 07/14/01
Posts: 204
Loc: Inland Empire, California
Just wondering if your school actually provides any counseling. I went to UCSD, and I considered going to counseling, but never went. Just like the medical treatment on campus, it was relatively low-cost.

I work in the field of psychology, and it's hard to get over the stigma of going to a therapist. It wasn't until I found myself huddled in a bed, unable to go to work, that I realized I needed to make an appointment.

So I did. Jeez, just the act of making that phone call did wonders for my day.

Good luck, Harry!

We're in this together.

We're in this together. - Nine Inch Nails

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