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#349880 - 01/06/11 03:35 AM Major step forward
Overcomer Offline

Registered: 11/13/10
Posts: 42
Loc: Sumter, SC
Hey all,
I'm going to be starting counseling next week. Any tips/suggestions/etc.?

#349881 - 01/06/11 03:41 AM Re: Major step forward [Re: Overcomer]
WriterKeith Offline

Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 980
Good decision, Overcomer. I recommend complete honesty with your therapist, and try to make an honest attempt at any exercises assigned regardless of how outlandish or insignificant they may seem at the time.
Also, it is important to be honest with yourself and your therapist if you feel at any time that it "just isn't a match."
Support groups and this web site are good activities to accompany therapy.
Welcome to the journey! Keep your eye on the horizon!

#349897 - 01/06/11 01:28 PM Re: Major step forward [Re: WriterKeith]
1227ms Offline

Registered: 12/01/10
Posts: 98
Loc: PA
Cograts on starting Overcomer! I started about 2 months ago. The first T was great and I felt she understood. She couldn't continue with me and I found another T. The second T definitly didn't understand and had very little, if any, experience with male CSA. She kept telling me what I felt was due to a difficult marriage. It didn't feel right at all. I started Tuesday of this week with a new T who I found out about here at MS. What a difference to talk with someone who understands. I agree completely with writerkeith about complete honesty both with your T and with yourself. The therapy is to help you heal and that can't happen if you keep any secrets no matter how much they hurt. I am spending time every night reading and writing because I finally reached a point where I have decided and am determined that my abuser CAN NOT have any more of my life. I am taking it back! Just making that decision felt great. I wish you all the best and hope the counseling is very helpful and healing even though it may not always be easy or feel good at the time.

Your brother in healing,


�Everything becomes a little different as soon as it is spoken out loud.�
Hermann Hesse

Hope Springs alumnus 2011

#349900 - 01/06/11 01:50 PM Re: Major step forward [Re: 1227ms]
Mountainous Buck Offline

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1631
Loc: Minnesota
Interview three therapists

Write out your questions at home in advance-

Are they experienced?
How d they work with abuse victims?

Then check your gut and decide

We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

�It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

#350024 - 01/07/11 04:14 PM Re: Major step forward [Re: Mountainous Buck]
Overcomer Offline

Registered: 11/13/10
Posts: 42
Loc: Sumter, SC
Thanks guys. I have an appointment Wednesday morning. I'm kinda nervous about it but I know it's a necessary step in the right direction. I just hope it'll be a good fit.

#350029 - 01/07/11 04:48 PM Re: Major step forward [Re: Overcomer]
westsidej Offline

Registered: 12/04/09
Posts: 157
Loc: Minnesota
Agree w/ our brothers Mountainous Buck, Writerkeith, 1227ms.

It took me three therapists to find the right one and she's made all the difference. The first one not only didn't help too much but actually increased my CSA flashbacks and same sex attraction, which is not good if you're married.

My current therapist not only allowed me to save my marriage but also my job and start healing from the CSA I spent decades trying to deny and suppress. She's allowed me to finally stop surviving and start living after decades of wandering in a desert.

Also, she's allowed me to start eliminating and correcting the destructive behaviors that resulted from both CSA and a really bad home environment growing up besided the abuse.

There was a post last year about the gender of our therapists and why we chose a man or woman. Can't find it right now but it was an interesting exchange of ideas, thoughts and outcomes.

It's really true about being completely honest, no matter how difficult it feels to open up about it. It will enable him/her to develop a more sound strategy for helping you heal from the abuse. Even after close to two years in therapy and complete trust in my therapist, I was still opening up about some of the things that happened to me due to shame, guilt and being too hard on myself for what happened.

In full disclosure, I am about to open up yet another event from my CSA past (the hits keep coming ;))today at therapy that I have not mentioned to her previously since I was finally able to tell my wife as well almost 11 years after it first happened.

You're going to learn all types of new concepts from EMDR to finding a safe place at the end of a session.

We hope all goes well for you.

Break a leg my brother and remember, we're here for you.


My CSA story TRIGGERS!!!!

The hottest place in Hell is reserved for those who remain neutral in times of great moral conflict. Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.


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