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#349454 - 01/01/11 04:36 AM New Year Realization
alone Offline

Registered: 03/05/09
Posts: 62
I am 61. I am 12 at heart and in mind. I have been retired now for 16 months. I had to because of health problems, physical and mental. With a little less than 30 minutes to go until 2011, I have been thinking about the last 50 years. I have never really loved any job I had. I don't consider myself lazy, I just never was able to think I was good at much of anything. I'm a typical victim in that I have had a low self esteem all of my life which, I'm sure has affected many aspects of my life. I am afraid to take risks, I am afraid to be around certain people. I don't feel creative, I never have. I have come to the conclusion that my mind just doesn't work like a normal adult. Is that arrested development? Was my mind messed up when that perv molested me in July of 1961? I will always wonder that until I die. Or am I just jusing that as an excuse? I could have been born this way. My brothers are successful. I have learned that a child's mind can get really scrambled by a bad experience. That might be my case. I have had depression for a good portion of my life since my early teens. I just didn't know it until about 7 or 8 years ago. I have never felt complete. I don't know what it means to "find yourself" or "to love yourself". And I just don't get it because the only thing I have to work with (my brain) is messed up. So how can I be successful or try to understand things with only broken equipment? I guess that is what is know as the "catch 22".

#349460 - 01/01/11 05:52 AM Re: New Year Realization [Re: alone]
weharry1959 Offline

Registered: 11/13/10
Posts: 71
Loc: N/W Pennsylvania, USA
Alone - I don't know if there are any answers that will make sense. I believe that most all of us have had or still have those same thoughts and questions.
Where I am is that while I have those thoughts, I, daily, try to find something about me that is half full rather than half empty. I am alive, sometimes it feels less than, but none the less, I still am and I have a new day to try something new. That in itself can be seen as being successful.
I too have frustration when I think of what I "may" have been, had I not been abused as a boy and raped as an adult. I have come to realize that as long as I focus on what may have been, I won't be able to focus on what I can be. Something that I think can be of benefit to all of us is that we set goals for ourselves that are attainable. Then set up why you want to accomplish it and then set small one step increments that we can build upon. the steps may seem minut but like a grain of sand, it only takes one to tip to begin to tip the scale.
Another thing to considered is that you are here. That is a success that you shared. Additionally, you are loved, unconditionally. And if it means anything to you, God loves you AND likes you. Thank you for your insight and sharing your feelings, it means a lot to know that my thoughts are not alone. I know it sounds weird, but it does have some comfort to know you and I are not alone. Lets' make a pact that we will endeavor to do something for ourselves, a goal, that we can support each other and empower each other to make 2011 better than 2010 may have been. Bill

Forgiving does not always mean everything goes back to the way it was. There are still natural consequences for what was done.

#349465 - 01/01/11 06:49 AM Re: New Year Realization [Re: weharry1959]
risingagain Offline

Registered: 11/10/10
Posts: 597
Loc: Vancouver, BC, Canada
Guys, let's make it a great 2011 for getting well.

A toast to all of us.

Let's shine as we are meant to. And if clouds come to storm our skies, let's weather the storms, come together in rain and share stories.

We can do this.

#349468 - 01/01/11 08:58 AM Re: New Year Realization [Re: risingagain]
WriterKeith Offline

Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 980
RA, I'll toast to that.

"Here's to us all, and tonight especially for you, Alone, and your New Year Realization, that we will all walk out of the shadows and find the horizon. Together we will meet the morning sun with a roar that will never again be silenced."

#349477 - 01/01/11 03:13 PM Re: New Year Realization [Re: WriterKeith]
Guss Offline

Registered: 12/17/10
Posts: 26
Loc: tx usa
I am setting very small goals for myself this year. I was badly injured in a wreck 4 years ago. The areas where I was able to excell are now off limits to me. I went into a downward spiral again of feeling useless. So, I am going to try and do small things. When, I accomplish those, I will do more small things. Some day, I hope to do medium things. Then, big things.
Alone, you are wanted, and welcome here. Your sharing helps us because we know we aren't alone in what we feel. We are traveling this journey together.


#349631 - 01/03/11 01:33 PM Re: New Year Realization [Re: Guss]
brokenleg Offline

Registered: 01/05/10
Posts: 65
Alone, I can relate to your post. I hope I will be able to change my life in 2011. I have a huge problem with creavity as well, I also suck at reading social cues. I love my privacy.

Good luck all. I hear what you are saying.


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