I wanted to know if anyone suffers from associating intimacy and sex closely when it comes to life situations? For example, I feel very uncomfortable with touch and space. If a person is standing too close to me, I start feeling violated and extremely uncomfortable. I also struggle with fears of violating another person even though I know it is not occurring. For example, when I change my daughter's diaper, I am very nervous about cleaning her and sometimes feel like I am violating her privacy by seeing her privates. I feel bad even though I know I did not do nothing wrong. However, I just focus on how she is feeling and make sure that she is comfortable.
Another issue is happiness during christmas time. When I was abused at six years old, I always predicted and wanted an early death because I could not stand my body. However, I am now 26 years old and still feel worthless. When I see my wife and child before me, days before christmas, I get emotional and depressed. I question my worth and become confused how a person of almost no worth can be blessed by God to have such as beautiful family. I feel like I settle for life, trying to get by and only if i did not get abused, would I be all I could be!
However, I had this desire to overcome and tell myself that I am worthy of value and respect and having great things in my life such as a daughter and loving wife. But eventually, I got really scared and thought I could not handle acting like a man that I dont believe I am which is of value. I have revealed this to my wife and she encourages me. I struggle with my feelings of low worth and celebrating christmas with my family is so difficult because if god could bless me with a wife and kid, why couldn't he protect me when I was being abused?
if you can give me any thoughts to how you relate, it would help. I am feeling very ashamed for dealing with these issues and alone from the world. Please be honest in how I am not the only one...
Edited by 1love4christ (01/09/11 01:01 PM)