Hi desert rose - sounds like you are waking up to some hidden truths that have been there for a long time-this is a huge shock-my wife and I have been there-
The only hope was that we both wanted to deal with all his honestly-including me separating from her and facing my behavior, multiple infidelities, sexual compulsions and history, and getting help for myself.
If your partner wants to change and reaches out for help-12'stepmgroups, support groups, therapy, books on the topic of sexual abuse and trauma-there is hope.
But you also have to take care of yourself regardless of your partner's decisions-finding healthy sense of self, facing your issues, and getting support outside the relationship from people who have been there and whomunderstand. There are tons of resources online-just type in the specific search words and start sifting thru websites.
And most importantly, reaching out to people who have been there-MS is full of those who have this direct experience to offer.
In my limited experience, there is nothing so unhelpful as "helpful"'people who don't have relevant experience-they are trying to fix things they have no knowledge of,' in order to fll some missing need they have to get enmeshed with a suffering person.
Learn to Trust your gut, seek information about how others have dealt with similar life situations, learn healthy self-care. I hope to see you around here-you will get out of this journey what you put into it.
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.
�It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner