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#346052 - 11/23/10 12:21 PM The Appropriate Emotion
prisonerID Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/08
Posts: 1247
Loc: Oklahoma
I know there were several effects I experienced from my assault. It has taken me years to recognize or admit to some of them. I think I have worked through some of them and working through others now.

One thing that eluded me is the expressing of the right emotions. I found myself years ago trying to read people to figure out how I was to react/respond. I honestly struggled with knowing whether or not this was a sad thing, a good thing or a whater thing they were sharing with me. I really struggled with whether I was to be passionate about something or just shrug and go okay.

I am having difficulty in explaining this. I may not have presented it very clearly.


Daryl

_________________________
Broad statements often miss their true mark.

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#346053 - 11/23/10 12:29 PM Re: The Appropriate Emotion [Re: prisonerID]
earlybird Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/10
Posts: 1007
Loc: WA USA
Daryl,
I donít know if Iím on track with what you were trying to say but maybe it is a little like a man who has returned from war. He has witness the most horrific events. Comes home and has to make sense of the importance of scraped knees and hurt feelings over flowers not being given on anniversary days. These things are extremely important but can and do get overshadowed by the violence perpetrated against you. It takeís time to let the past wars give way to the work you and all of us are attempting to do.

Thank you Daryl for posting this, Earlybird

_________________________
Balanced (My goal)

There is symmetry
In self-reflection
Life exemplified
Grace personified

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#346078 - 11/23/10 05:24 PM Re: The Appropriate Emotion [Re: earlybird]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
Very very astute recognition of a problem I had forgotten about consciously.
I've had it and may still have it though my coping mechanisms probably hide it most of the time even from me anymore. I know I felt really really bad for it and worked hard at trying to figure things out thinking all the time that it should come to me naturally so I must be defective since it doesn't. I'm talking about feeling lost until at least 31 years old.
I never did get it as far as I know I think I just found solutions that function which really makes it impossible for me to be me since I do not, am not able to distinguish things as you describe. Everything is delayed as a result and well life is difficult at best.

I understand completely. It really makes it hard to communicate with people.



Edited by kidneythis (11/23/10 05:25 PM)
_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

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#346304 - 11/26/10 02:57 PM Re: The Appropriate Emotion [Re: earlybird]
CruxFidelis Offline


Registered: 06/16/10
Posts: 486
Loc: NJ
these words really resonate me. I am still processing Earl's "coming back from war" analogy... it is a very good one.

i worry about whether or not I am feeling too much or too little, and then I worry that I am not expressing the right amount of emotion. Sometimes I have a flood of these feelings and I don't even know where they are coming from, and I have to temper that flood and keep the tears from flowing, and then there are times when I can't feel anything at all for anyone. My sister cries over the littlest things... not getting the day off she wanted, not getting enough sleep, some potential boyfriend not calling her back. It's not worth getting all broken up about it, but I find myself saying that to myself when I start to process all that has gone on in the past year. What would crying do, anyway?

I am still trying to figure out why I barely reacted at all while my wife was pregnant with our son. I wasnt' there for her. I have no respect for men that do things like walk out on their wife & kids, I hate self-absorbtion and I think men who don't take responsibility for their children are idiots, but I was that idiot for those 9 months. I couldn't be bothered to care about that little life. I was that useless deadbeat I hated ,and I know it killed my wife to feel like she was going through that pregnancy alone with very little support from me. I remember the way she cried when she showed me paint colors for the nursery and I didn't care which shade of blue she wanted. what is the difference between "cornflower" and "forget me not"? i dont' freaking know. it's not like my name is on the mortgage or i even had any say in buying the freaking house, now you want me to pick out a paint color? How about putting my name on the mortgage? How about not buying a HOUSE and moving all my stuff without even asking me? I screamed at her and made her cry, and I am an asshole for that because she did what she had to do.

i am only just starting to realize that there is life after abuse. there are dirty diapers and car payments and pediatrician's appointments and piano lessons and home renovations, and those things matter.



Edited by CruxFidelis (11/26/10 03:00 PM)
_________________________
ďIf a man wishes to be sure of the road he treads on, he must close his eyes and walk in the dark.Ē

- Saint John of the Cross

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