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#343596 - 10/30/10 12:59 AM Manufactured Consent
Hex Offline

Registered: 10/18/09
Posts: 22
Loc: Canada
Hi everyone... I just wanted to know if anyone else found themselves being "groomed" as teens or younger Adults (18+) to pave the way for adult abuse that followed.

My perp groomed me in various ways between the ages of 14 and 20 before he began his abuse. As a karate teacher he cultivated an unquestioning obedience (termed "discipline"), used lots of physical contact (hitting, immobilizing, etc), and built himself as "The Way" to obtain the reward that we were all looking for... a black belt. He would use implied or explicit violence against students who stood up to him (to make an example of them for the rest of us), but it was all just so... accepted. It's hard for me to find the words to convey what it was like. And then, a year or so before a student was due to grade for their black-belt, he would make his move. This was often 5-6 years into their training, with this one goal in mind the whole time.

I feel a lot of similarities with people who have been abused by Priests... you give them the ultimate power and authority in your life, they are the messenger for that distant and lofty achievement or reward that you strive for, and they know that it will/would be very difficult for you to abandon your quest despite the horror that they inflict on you.

While my abuse was happening, I thought that I was the only one, singled out in some way to be special (even though the guilt and shame made me shut down a lot of my emotions and rational thinking in order to survive). Once I "got out", I learned that there are several dozen others who have also been chosen to bear this shame (before, during, and after my abuse).

My perp started grooming us better and waiting until we were over the age of 18 because he suspected pending legal issues with the first batch of victims (who were under-age). I think he figured that if we were over 18, he could claim that it was consentual. He also used this logic to keep my silence during the abuse, playing our twisted situation out like it was a secret between friends. No-one needs to know, right? Thinking it was all my fault (and what the hell did that make me), who was I going to tell?

It has taken me many years to deprogram some of the psychological grooming that went into my abuse, and it is only during a recent batch of therapy that I was able to realize how much fear we all had of him. Fear that he could do ANYTHING, from blackmail and smear campaigns to physical violence... we only allowed our eyes to see the mentor that we wanted, but somewhere in our hearts we knew he wouldn't hesitate to try to destroy any of us if we stood up to him.

Sorry that this has been long and rambling, but I've been resonating (triggering is maybe a little to strong a word) with some of the posts lately (esp. Marley) and just wanted to know if anyone else has experienced this. Because I have a hard time letting go of my self-blame, guilt, and shame (even though I'm getting a little better at it) 10 years after it's stopped.



#343677 - 10/30/10 07:21 PM Re: Manufactured Consent [Re: Hex]
CruxFidelis Offline

Registered: 06/16/10
Posts: 486
Loc: NJ
I have heard of this happening in cults, too. They make you revolve your whole life around being part of this group and in your case, making achievements, and they make you feel like you can't achieve anything apart from your mentor figure.

I am so sorry this happened to you.

If a man wishes to be sure of the road he treads on, he must close his eyes and walk in the dark.

- Saint John of the Cross

#344071 - 11/04/10 09:44 AM Re: Manufactured Consent [Re: CruxFidelis]
Hex Offline

Registered: 10/18/09
Posts: 22
Loc: Canada
Thanks CruxFidelis. I definitely agree with you about the "cult mentality" that was being perpetuated. And it really sets up and Us and Them mentality... those of us who have taken the "red pill" and broken out of the illusion, and the members who have chosen to deny what is/has happening and maintained their support.

#493975 - 01/13/16 04:14 AM Re: Manufactured Consent [Re: Hex]
victor-victim Offline

Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 6387
Loc: 𝒪 𝒦anada
as it has been said...

"Compliance does not imply commitment.
~ Michael L. Nieto


#494423 - 01/23/16 07:27 PM Re: Manufactured Consent [Re: Hex]
Hex Offline

Registered: 10/18/09
Posts: 22
Loc: Canada
Thanks V-v... Even after all this time (15 years free) I still need to revisit and work through those issues... Like my resolve wanes. Support and remindings from others in the group definitely help.

This was a timely moment to check back into the site!

#494429 - 01/23/16 10:23 PM Re: Manufactured Consent [Re: Hex]
Bluedogone Offline

Registered: 07/03/13
Posts: 1132
Loc: Southern US
Hi Hex,

Welcome back. A refresher or booster is sometime just the thing to get us back on track. I'm so sorry it still lingers after all these years.

It's so sad to realize there are people willing to exert their power and influence on others to fulfill their sick needs just because they have the only way to the goal. It'd not even a choice - it's either submit or forget it.

And BTW, congratulations on your achievement of the Black Belt in spite of the severe emotional cost. Best wishes as you continue on the healing journey.

I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year:
“Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.”
And he replied:
“Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the Hand of God.
That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way.” - quoted by King George VI

#494506 - 01/26/16 02:27 AM Re: Manufactured Consent [Re: Hex]
Sterling Offline

Registered: 10/25/08
Posts: 1953
Loc: Winnipeg, Manitoba,Canada
Sorry for my late response.
My sick aunt used a Ken doll to groom me.
What a bitch!!
I fuckin hated her. ( sorry for my anger).
She would have me take the pants off Ken.
And then would point to my uncle , at his crotch.
I had to smell his crotch.
it was so fucking embarrassing.
I was thinking of buying a Ken doll and see what emotions
come up.


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