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#343820 - 11/01/10 12:45 PM Re: Non-Sexual Mood Triggers [Re: prisonerID]
CruxFidelis Offline

Registered: 06/16/10
Posts: 486
Loc: NJ
I sometimes get triggered by watching my wife (or someone else) take care of our son.

My abuse happened in the hospital, and people had to do everything for me, as you would for a baby. I was so vulnerable... the "perfect victim" as my perp told me. Sometimes I watch him get a bath, or have his diaper changed, or get dressed and you can tell in his eyes that he trusts all the adults around him, just like I trusted the people who cared for me in the ICU and later the normal hospital floor where the abuse happened. It reminds me how helpless I was at the time, and the lack of physical progress I've made since that time.

Daryl, my heart breaks for you after hearing you talk about your struggles with body image and weight. I wish you didn't have to tie your sense of self-worth with your weight. Your body needs the nourishment and your brain benefits from it too. I remember the years when I was going through severe malnutrition and it was so hard to even think or function. As I got thinner so did my patience with other people and my threshold for frustration. I wonder if there was a way you could replace the triggers associated with gaining weight (which from a health perspective might not be a bad thing) with positive mood triggers, like feeling satisfied when you are full, or energized when you are giving your body the "fuel" it needs to function correctly. I guess it's easy for me to say all these things but maybe not as easy to do them.

“If a man wishes to be sure of the road he treads on, he must close his eyes and walk in the dark.”

- Saint John of the Cross

#343822 - 11/01/10 01:03 PM Re: Non-Sexual Mood Triggers [Re: CruxFidelis]
prisonerID Offline
Greeter Emeritus

Registered: 02/17/08
Posts: 1247
Loc: Oklahoma

I think helplessness is a powerful trigger and in your situation a very intense one. What I see in you is a very bright and capable person who has an inner strength that I greatly admire. I think you have hit upon an insightful thing in that needing others is a trigger that I had not really looked at much. I think many here could agree with what you said - in different circumstances of course. Placing trust in another who then hurts you is a broken vow that is so damaging. This thing who called himself a man did this to you. You are the real man in this story for here you are a voice for yourself and others. You have certainly made a difference in my life.

Thanks for your kind and thoughtful statements here. I think it is time to dig in deeper on this and attempt to alter my thought patterns some more. I truly am much better but that is a relative term. That is what my last T told me anyway. He applauded the advances I had made. But I recall how crushed and resistant I was when he said it was time to do more. Almost every waking thought is connected to eating, not eating and all that goes with this. I am tired and very worn out from this. There are triggers for kicking it in too which I need to look at as well.

I took the day off from work since yesterday was the worst day I have had in a time. I think while I rebound from that I need to sit still and do some thinking as well.

I don't take your words as "easy for you but difficult for me" for I know you would not advise from simply an intellectual point but from your heart as well. I appreciate that.

I need to work on seeing myself as more than "just a number" as one guy put it.



Broad statements often miss their true mark.

#343826 - 11/01/10 01:22 PM Re: Non-Sexual Mood Triggers [Re: Avery46]
Gamgee Offline

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 25
Loc: Canada
Hi Daryl, I think a lot of this relates to having no sense of self-worth. It's really unfortunate that in our culture we are taught that we have to prove our worth. Not all cultures do that, recognizing that we are beyond price, just because we are living human beings. When we look at a new-born baby, we recognize how valuable they are, but soon that value is discounted and we have to start proving ourselves, usually based on some arbitrary values. From a biological point of view, many of the problems in recovering from abuse or any kind of trauma, especially in early childhood, is the way the brain forms and stores memories.We actually have two types of memories, explicit and implicit. Explicit memories are the ones we usually think of, when do I have to be at an appointment, what are my kids names, etc. These are formed and stored by the hippocampus. Implicit memories, the emotional, mostly subconscious memories about events and our feelings are formed and stored by the amygdala. Basically, the hippocampus also perceives threats and the amygdala gets us ready to deal with them. These combinations make it really hard to deal with CSA because the emotional memories are much, much stronger, as that part of the brain is revved up by adrenaline while the part that remembers the events is turned down. So, we remember the feelings of threats, pain, fear, etc. really intensely, while the memories of what really happened is foggy. (Probably has a lot to do with dissociation). It is pretty perverse, huh? But, it is a survival mechanism, alerting us to remember the fear, but protecting us from the memory of the threat. Another survival mechanism is that unpleasant, threatening events are given more importance in our memories than pleasant ones ( it's more important to remember to run away from a tiger than remember where that patch of sweet berries is!). So, when we're working on feeling better about ourselves, learning to trust, etc. we have to work a lot harder than remembering bad things. When we remember and act out the bad feelings, we are PRACTICING feeling bad. We have to make a conscious decision to practice feeling good, because whatever we practice, we become better at. We already know how to feel bad. So, we need to be patient with ourselves. To misquote that old joke. "How do you get to happiness? PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE." Ron. P.S. A hippocampus is not a university for large African mammals. Sorry, I couldn't resist.

#343848 - 11/01/10 08:18 PM Re: Non-Sexual Mood Triggers [Re: Gamgee]
Silly Offline

Registered: 04/21/10
Posts: 140
Loc: Virginia
I have all sorts of triggers...smell, visual, auditory, taste

They're all unpleasnt reminders


The Round Table, Men's Sexual Abuse Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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