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#343836 - 11/01/10 03:04 PM crashed
Avery46 Offline

Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1243
Loc: USA
Hi, Guys.

I crashed a few weeks ago. I went in a hole of remembrance. I was sent to the hospital where I stayed for a week. I was not able to salvage somethings like school which I am taking sometime off. I am only working PT at my FT job.

I came back here a couple of months ago feeling stronger than I have ever felt. BUT, this year as been full of 3 major losses - letting of go my relationship with my mom and ex-wife - who were my abusers - and the passing of my dad.

While in the hospital, I was put on meds. I was never on meds before. Well the meds or the memory is giving me what is called the "yips". I lost my hearing for about 12 hours over the weekend.

There has been a major shift in my body and in recovery. I am not liking this and feeling very vulnerable actually.

I am on a crash course. I am not sure where I am headed.


Edited by Avery46 (11/01/10 06:20 PM)
aka DJsport

#343846 - 11/01/10 07:30 PM Re: crashed [Re: Avery46]
Donald D'Haene Offline

Registered: 04/11/04
Posts: 68
Loc: London
Donnie, you've gone through and continue to go through a lot of difficult situations.....hang in there...we're here for you!


Donald D'Haene

#344021 - 11/03/10 05:45 PM Re: crashed [Re: Donald D'Haene]
gettingalong Offline

Registered: 06/21/07
Posts: 42
Hang in there Donnie. You will heal.

#344057 - 11/04/10 05:03 AM Re: crashed [Re: gettingalong]
john38 Offline

Registered: 10/21/10
Posts: 90
Loc: Pasadena CA
Sorry to hear about your challenges Donnie. Great big safe energy hugs to you. I so relate to what you say you're feeling. When memory opens up, especially when memory is accompanied by the emotions that go with the memory, it can feel as if the ground is opening up and swallowing us whole.

It will get better, but it sure sucks to be triggered by suppressed feelings from the past, coupled with current loses/challenges/heartaches. I have PTSD as a result of my abuse, and over 100 triggers that I'm learning how to be present for, and it can be incredibly overwhelming at times.But showing up for the feelings, allowing them to be, giving voice to them is what heals us.

I'm glad you are getting yourself help and have a supportive therapist too. You deserve the best.

I don't know if it'd help, but I recently posted a piece in the poetry forum today called "the necessity of bottoms." The piece talks directly to some of the feelings and experiences you're having and might give you some comfort.

Anyway, keep on hanging in there and seeking support. You're a courageous, caring soul!


Just for today I will treat myself with respect, compassion and acceptance.


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