Sorry to hear about your challenges Donnie. Great big safe energy hugs to you. I so relate to what you say you're feeling. When memory opens up, especially when memory is accompanied by the emotions that go with the memory, it can feel as if the ground is opening up and swallowing us whole.
It will get better, but it sure sucks to be triggered by suppressed feelings from the past, coupled with current loses/challenges/heartaches. I have PTSD as a result of my abuse, and over 100 triggers that I'm learning how to be present for, and it can be incredibly overwhelming at times.But showing up for the feelings, allowing them to be, giving voice to them is what heals us.
I'm glad you are getting yourself help and have a supportive therapist too. You deserve the best.
I don't know if it'd help, but I recently posted a piece in the poetry forum today called "the necessity of bottoms." The piece talks directly to some of the feelings and experiences you're having and might give you some comfort.
Anyway, keep on hanging in there and seeking support. You're a courageous, caring soul!
Just for today I will treat myself with respect, compassion and acceptance.