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#343803 - 11/01/10 03:33 AM Looking for advice
Rissa205 Offline

Registered: 11/01/10
Posts: 2
Loc: Midwest
I have frequented this website, using it as an information source for the past 6 months to help my boyfriend in his rape recovery process. Before I type anything else I have to say THANK YOU MS! You have helped me help him. I normally would just come & read the family and friends section, but I never joined. Until today.

Today was rough. We went to a Halloween party last night and he a panic attack and we left, he didn't want to talk to me about what triggered the attack, not abnormal so I let it go. Today, during dinner he brought up what happened and the subsequent lack of discussing it. He said that even though we are both rape survivors, he couldn't always talk to me because it was different for him and I don't really understand what he went through (it hurt and felt a little dismissive of my experience, but I do understand his POV). I mentioned that he should join this site. He told me he can't trust men.He said he didn't even trust himself and he doesn't understand why I trust him, because of things that have happened in his life (he is also a survivor of secondary domestic violence- having spent most of his childhood watching his father beat his mother).

When I tried to respond he got up from the table, walked out of the room and went to bed. He has not said a word since 6 pm, he is not sleeping- just laying there. It is like he is just... not. This is new, I have never seen him do this, and I am scared. If anyone has any advice I could use it. I don't know if I did something wrong or if I shouldn't have tried to say anything. I don't know what to do. I do know that I love him and he is hurting and I want to help him.

Sorry this is so long, but I am kind of in panic mode.


#343805 - 11/01/10 03:55 AM Re: Looking for advice [Re: Rissa205]
brother2none Offline

Registered: 01/30/09
Posts: 269
Loc: Undisclosed
You are a wonderful and caring person. Chances are he does not know what led to the panic attack. He is afraid. Ask him what he needs, and find a way to tell him what you need as well. Overall keep communicating even if he doesnt reciprocate. Good luck.

#343806 - 11/01/10 04:50 AM Re: Looking for advice [Re: brother2none]
nltsaved Offline

Registered: 08/27/08
Posts: 938
Loc: Kc,Mo
just let him deal with it go through it and let him no if and when he wants to talk than that is fine and you will be there.
the worst thing you could do is pressure . some things are better left alone . i no woman are fixers and want to fix everything and want to talk through it men are not like that usually so i no it sucks to give distance but sometimes it is the best medicine . but let him no if he does want to talk that you will give him the CHOICE to talk about

good luck and bless you

Video of me telling my story
you are not alone never were
Why i hate Religion but love Jesus

#343885 - 11/02/10 01:59 AM Re: Looking for advice [Re: nltsaved]
Rissa205 Offline

Registered: 11/01/10
Posts: 2
Loc: Midwest
Thanks for the advice guys! I will definitely act on it. I try not to push him to do anything. Somethings are the same for both genders when dealing with assualt recovery, and I know how I feel when anyone tries to pressure me to do anything. I just worry about him and hope that he doesn't feels like I don't care, when I am giving him his distance. But today, he seems to be having a good day. I just hope he knows when he has moments like that I'm not abandoning him, but letting him have some healing space.

Once again thanks!


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