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#343062 - 10/25/10 09:30 PM Christian and Gay?
Tinman Offline

Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 359
Loc: Lake Forest, CA
Man, I cannot tell you how I struggled to figure out where to put this post. It's almost a no upside decision. Should I put it in the GLBQ forum or here?

First off, let me say this: I am gay. And celibate. Trying to deny being gay is like trying to deny I am left-handed. I can want to be right-handed, but it's not reality.

Thus my dilemma. When I first became a Christian in the military, I was still who I am today. But I believed the Bible to be the inerrant Word of God. So I prayed and I begged that God would turn me straight. And for a long time, I thought that my prayers would someday be answered. They weren't.

So I came out. And I turned my back on God. You know, the same one who let me be molested. Because belief in Him was incompatible with who I was. I never believed in cafeteria Christianity. You accept it all or you accept none of it.

All was OK for awhile. Until I hit 50 and the sense of my own mortality set in. I tried to turn back to God, but I felt (bolstered by some well-meaning Christians) that I had to deny who I was to be accepted by God. Needless to say, that didn't work. I hated what I was and could not reconcile reality with my wishes. To those who say it is a choice, I ask you this? Why in the name of God would anybody CHOOSE something that would leave me feeling so lost? And, if it was a choice, why couldn't I become straight?

To preserve what sanity I had, I made a compromise. I said "God, ok, you made me gay, but the acts are a sin, so I will be celibate." I cried through that promise.

And now, having discovered I have to be alone forever, my depression (diagnosed) has gotten to the point that I just can't cope. Or barely cope.

I wrote a friend an email about this. But without the God part. And he told me he knew it has always pained me that I had no family and felt I can never be with someone. Said he wanted to talk to me but has always hesitated because I mention it in passing and quickly move on. By the way, this friend is as straight as they come.

How do I resolve this? Was I born gay or did my molesters make me this way? And in either case, why do I have to be forever alone?

I am begging anyone that responds not to sound judgment on me. I have had enough of that, I know what both sides say. From both sides of the issue.

"I finally have my heart!"

To the perps: Don't worry about me coming after you. But you damn well better watch out for God! "Vengeance is mine", saith the Lord

#343098 - 10/26/10 01:37 AM Re: Christian and Gay? [Re: Tinman]
nltsaved Offline

Registered: 08/27/08
Posts: 936
Loc: Kc,Mo
ok here we go no matter who tries to answer your ? there are going to be those who disagree but here goes anyway.

For me this is a no brainier the church "christians"

not some building

have totally messed this up. i can only paint a picture of this try to stay with me .

the woman at the well what did Jesus do he came with open arms and told her go and sin no more .

the adulterer that every one wanted to stone what did he do he came with open arms .

this is one of the many problems with the church "christians"

not some building

are to judgmental picking and choosing who can come to he cross who is dressed well enough who is to big to tall to drunk to proud you get the picture .

there has been so much damage that people are running away from the very church that should be welcoming them with open arms REGARDLESS OF SEXUAL ORIENTATION ,DRUNK , STRAIT ,BI,ADDICT OR NON ADDICT . THE LIST GOES ON AND ON. it is not up to us to except who we think is worthy of salvation it is up to the master the one who came to forgive ALL SIN not just some .

the church has alienated and categorized ,GAYS,DRUNKS,BI SEXUALS ,THIEVES,ADULTERERS the list goes on and on while they turn the eye to the JUDGING, PRIDEFUL,LUST,GREED,SLOTH,GOSSIP,HAUGHTY EYES,LYING TONGUE. AND ON AND ON. bottom line is Sin is Sin and you can noT pick and choose what sin is greater than the other.

Christians or so called Christians have given real Christians a bad name i mean really it drives me nuts to sEE on tv or driving down the streets watching "so called Christians" standing outside with pic it signs with things like

Jesus Hates FA#@ and Fa#@ are gonna burn in hell

can you picture Jesus with a sign like that ?

Jesus would come and sit with you and talk with you and eat with you and LOVE you .

He would come with open arms and between you and him he would work it out through the power of the holy spirit just as he did with the tax collectors and the Sinners he sat with .

he came to save sinners that is what we all are he would treat you no different . the bible tells us to work out our own salvation . he is our personal Lord and Savior that means you build a relationship with him and if he Chooses to convict you to sin no more in that ONE area in your life than so be it .

If you just have that one Sin in your life please tell me how you are pulling that one off . everyone has sin in their life and because others have made this sin or that sin more greater than another is why people find themselves in the position you are in.

to me i could choose to live a life with my lustful nature i was molested and enjoyed the pleasures with other guys and when i was old enough to make the choice witch way i was gonna go i tried being with a guy and i new that it was not going to work out . i enjoyed the things i was taught i enjoyed certain sexual acts and still would if i allowed myself to do that .

but as i put my lustful nature to the side and made a conscious decision to be with a woman and put my lustful nature below my love for my God than it became a choice.

can i say that people are born Gay and there is nothing they can do about it no i can not say that .

this is just me and my own opinion

i believe just maybe people are born the way they are for a reason and that God gives them a choice to either live in that nature or turn from it

as he gives all people a choice to live in their sin nature .

we are born with that sin nature that is why Jesus came to take that sin nature and replace it with a New Nature and that is what being born again is all about .

we than can be changed by the holy spirit it is up to You and GOD and the HOLY SPIRIT to renew your mind and to work on the many sins that plague each and every one of us.

do some sins take longer to deal with ? of course they do are you not a Christian because you fall just like everyone else ? of course you are still a Christian . there is to much judging going on .

people are going to get it faster than others. as long as your heart burns for God and you are working this thing than who the hell can judge you or question your relationship or your salvation. NO ONE CAN

lets see from the outside looking in would most people call David a Christian most certainly not . lets face it he did not manage his family well , he murdered for his own lustful pleasures , he numbered Israel and cost the lives of thousands, and the list goes on but yet his heart burned for God and he kept on searching for this God of Mercy And Grace and God showed him favor and God forgave him .

the bible is filled with others shall we look at Peter
Peter lied , He blasphemed , he denied the Savior not 1 time not 2 times but 3 and yet God allowed him to give the first sermon and have the first Church.

just because people decided to label different types of sin natures to fit their own agenda we find ourselves wondering if we to can come to the Cross of MERCY AND GRACE AND FORGIVENESS

i must say this is no greater task than he gives everyone
dealing with their sin nature that is in one way or another

weather it be a so called gay, nature , bi nature, lustful nature and so on

everyone has something or somethings they struggle with .

but because we have chosen to choose what sin is supposedly more wrong or more sinful than another , this is why it became such a big issue.

people deflect their own sin on one another so they can make there own less of a factor when in reality Sin is Sin.

do i think it is right

do i think it is fare

i am i God and pretend that i do understand it all or no it all

for his ways are not my ways and his thoughts are not my thoughts

and believe me if i could change some things or should i say a lot of things in the bible than i would

but than again God did not ask for my 2 cents.

and i am glad of that

because he let me do it my way and it did not work but when i started to do it his way WOW what a difference.

my whole life has changed for the better . when you give your life to Christ it is not all peaches and cream in fact it if you ask me it gets tougher because the enemy does not want you to be a real man or woman of God .

if he can get you to forget about Grace than he has you beat.

Gods grace carries all of us when we feel unworthy and it carries us when we fall . as long as it does not become our crutch than Grace will be there because if there is one thing i am glad for is that his" Mercies are renewed daily"
and there is a reason for that .

it is because each and everyone of us needs it . God is not like us he loves us in spite of

not because of

we have a because of type of love

when God has agape love
in spite kind of love a love that can not be changed

stay with me here this pretty much sums it up

Romans 8
Life Through the Spirit
1Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,[a] 2because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.

3For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature,[b] God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering.[c] And so he condemned sin in sinful man,[d] 4in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit.

are you in Christ Jesus ? did he not take your sin to the cross when you excepted him? if you have a heart for God and excepted him in your heart than you are free and there is no condemnation from anybody not even from yourself

5Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires;

this is how we used to live

but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires.

this is what you are doing now this is where the conflict come from

6The mind of sinful man[e] is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; 7the sinful mind[f] is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. 8Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God.

you are fighting against your sinful nature you are no longer controlled by it . and it is just not your so called "gay' nature you are fighting against

it is all sin

to me this just happens to be your thorn in the flesh and it is what keeps us humble . ask yourself this ,if not for the thorn would you cry out to God as much as you do ? probably not

9You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Christ. 10But if Christ is in you, your body is dead because of sin, yet your spirit is alive because of righteousness. 11And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you.

Christ gives us the power through the holy spirit to fight off the flesh and its desires and yes we will loose some battles but we will ultimately win the war if we stay at it , not just limited to sexuality but all fleshy desires. our flesh is to die so the spirit can live and the stronger that spirit gets and the more we listen and learn and grow in the spirit the more power we have over sin

12Therefore, brothers, we have an obligationóbut it is not to the sinful nature, to live according to it. 13For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live, 14because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. 15For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship.[g] And by him we cry, "Abba,[h] Father." 16The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. 17Now if we are children, then we are heirsóheirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

do i like all of this
no do i agree with all of it of course not because in my flesh i want to say so if i do not do these things i am going to be condemned how can this be
and that is not fare so on and so fourth

i do not understand all of this

but what i do understand is that the moment i started living life in the spirit instead of life in the flesh my life has been a whole hell of a lot better.

like i said is it all peaches and cream no but for me it has worked i will not debate this with anyone and i will not argue with anyone about this all i am saying is i was hungry and found bread all i am trying to do is show others where i found this bread .

if you choose to believe what you believe that is fine with me who am i to condemn you or anyone else for what they believe or do not believe . if my God gives me the choice why would i not do the same.

so to anyone who wants to get there point across or say this or that or why this or why that the answer is

i do not have all the answers and i do not no everything all i can tell you is what worked for me .

and if what is working for you is working than i respect that and i no you might not want any of the bread i am telling you about that is cool to

thanks for reading

o and ps TINMAN

yes you still are are a Christian even if you are Gay or "sinner" because i to am a sinner just saved by GRACE nothing more nothing less

Romans 8:38-39 (New International Version)

38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Edited by nltsaved (10/26/10 01:41 AM)
Video of me telling my story
you are not alone never were
Why i hate Religion but love Jesus

#343100 - 10/26/10 01:56 AM Re: Christian and Gay? [Re: Tinman]
blaidd Offline

Registered: 12/01/00
Posts: 240
Loc: Australia

You are not alone. Being gay and Christian is reconcilable. I know it feels overwhelming, but there is hope.

I am sooooo sorry that you have gone through this. My heart feels for you. It makes me so sad to hear stories like yours and unfortunately such stories are all too common.

My best friend is a gay Christian and is fully accepted by his parish in the Anglican Church, which I think is the equivalent of Episcopal Church in the US. If he was here he'd be able to offer you all the reasons why you can have both and why being gay is not a sin. Alas I'm not so good at that because I am not as well versed as he.

Have you seen the documentary "For the Bible Tells Me So" as I can highly recommend it, as I found it very moving and informative on this issue. The official website can be found here.

A great book, which I have read, that examines the texts in the Bible is What the Bible Really Says About Homosexuality

Of course there are many more gay and Christian friendly resources out there, these are just two that came to mind.

There are lots of gay Christians out there who have reconciled their sexuality with their faith. You can do it too and find the peace and love that you rightly deserve as a human being, who is loved by God.

I'm so sorry this has been such a struggle for you and I really hope that as you continue on your journey that you can find the inner peace to reach a resolution that being gay is okay.

#343102 - 10/26/10 03:08 AM Re: Christian and Gay? [Re: blaidd]
WalkingSouth Offline

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16270
Loc: Waldport, Oregon

Albert Einstein once said that the definition of insanity is endlessly repeating the same action hoping for a different result. Pause for a minute and think about the many years you struggled with this. Try something different. If I were to offer you any wisdom on this it would be to give this concern you have to God and let him deal with it as he sees fit, in his time and in his way. Just let it go. Be sincere in your beliefs but let it go. If he want's you to be something you're currently not, whatever the issue is, he'll get you there in his time. Living in the shame is not what he wants for his creation.

"Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting 'Holy Shit! What a ride!'" ~Hunter S. Thompson

#343103 - 10/26/10 03:08 AM Re: Christian and Gay? [Re: blaidd]
prisonerID Offline
Greeter Emeritus

Registered: 02/17/08
Posts: 1247
Loc: Oklahoma

I wrestled with this for so many years. I do not anymore since I sat still and allowed God to settle it for me. I allowed him to speak to me and simply love me.

I am gay. I believe in Jesus as my savior. I know what I know in my heart. And I will leave the rest to Him.


Broad statements often miss their true mark.

#343122 - 10/26/10 12:42 PM Re: Christian and Gay? [Re: prisonerID]
sono Offline

Registered: 07/19/09
Posts: 1069
I can't believe I'm actually going to make a comment on this, but I am going to.

The only conflict between being a christian and being gay, seems to me to be if you believe the guys who wrote the Bible. It would seem to me one could believe in Jesus as the messiah and savior without having to believe in either a literal or infallible interpretation of the bible. We all know it's self contradictions, so to say it is infallible doesn't seem to make much sense and to deny that it was written by men with their own prejudices and agenda also seems fairly logical and that even the most devout believes don't stone their neighbor for shaving their beard is also a fact.

I suggest putting your faith in the principles taught by Jesus, i.e. try to be Christlike, rather than every single word of whichever translation of the incomplete ancient documents which formed the basis of the historical record of his life and mankind in that part of the world known as the Bible. That would seem to be more in keeping with what he taught anyway.

And just for what it's worth, IMO Christians who talk about gay men in the same breath with other "sinners" are really missing the point to suggest that merely being the way you are is a sin in and of itself...I'm sorry for those against whom they are discriminating and in a way sorry for them that they're world view is so skewed as to really believe they belong to some special club...but they also scare me as well...anyone remember W. ???

Be happy with yourself!

all the best from a non-religious straight guy,


the family
the perp

#343134 - 10/26/10 02:40 PM Re: Christian and Gay? [Re: sono]
InsideTheWall Offline

Registered: 01/10/09
Posts: 297
Since I won't be the first non-religious straight guy posting here, and its been posted in the Spirituality section instead of the GBT area, I'm going to go ahead and add something regarding what I would normally stay out of. Also, sometimes, the best advice comes from those those different than you.

I'm going to go with what WalkingSouth implied and Sono more came out and said. You're gay dude, so what? Have you actually read Leviticus or whatever book that is in the Old Testament that talks about homosexuality? Well, to be honest, I haven't either but I've seen people quote some really, really nutty things from it. Like putting people to death who work on Sunday or wore certain kinds of clothes. Are you an OT kind of Christian? You know that, according to quite mainstream versions of Christianity, the coming of Jesus wiped alot of that stuff out, right?

I really don't think you should force yourself to remain celibate, or think this all or nothing approach towards religion is good for you. Look up Unitarianism and Anglicism for Churches that tend to be a more accepting like that.

Edited by InsideTheWall (10/26/10 02:59 PM)

#343143 - 10/26/10 03:06 PM Re: Christian and Gay? [Re: Tinman]
Ever-fixed Mark Offline

Registered: 01/02/10
Posts: 732
Loc: United States
Hey Tinman,

Here are my thoughts and beliefs as a gay man who was raised Catholic and has walked down all the roads you are exploring...

1. I don't believe in biblical inerrancy for any of the many holy books.
- any book that encodes a bronze age understanding of human reproduction and sexuality that is demonstrably wrong, cannot be considered inerrant.
- any book that was edited by a council process where there were factions seeking to control the message and doctrine that resulted can not be considered inerrant.
- any book that requires every person who wrote every line, made every change, finessed every concept to have been touched by the holy spirit to preserve it's alleged lack of error goes too far. Especially since I see clear errors in the bible.

2. I don't believe in biblical literalism in any of the many holy books.
- any book that positions murdering a child, rape, torture, slavery, and injustice as acceptable cannot be considered literal permission to practice those values in the modern world.
- any book that puts forward killing people for talking back to their parents, working on the sabbath, wearing two different fibers, etc. fails the moral, ethical and "red face" test with me.

3. I don't believe that modern religion owns administering and arbitrating our connection and relationship to the divine.
- Religions by their nature create structures and dogma that seeks to preserve the core values of the faith they hold, and to some degree the status quo that the dogma creates.
- the Abrahamic faiths were, in their way and in their time, revolutionary. Now, dissent and challenges to old ideas is crushed rather than considered with an open heart.
- no one is more important, no one's truth is more relevant, and no one's feelings are more central to a relationship with the divine than yours.

Originally Posted By: Tinman
First off, let me say this: I am gay. And celibate. Trying to deny being gay is like trying to deny I am left-handed. I can want to be right-handed, but it's not reality.

No book or faith can deny your self-awareness and self-knowledge. No one knows your truth as well as you do. Trust that.

To preserve what sanity I had, I made a compromise. I said "God, ok, you made me gay, but the acts are a sin, so I will be celibate." I cried through that promise.

And now, having discovered I have to be alone forever, my depression (diagnosed) has gotten to the point that I just can't cope. Or barely cope.

No source of the divine with compassion and love could ever impose the restrictions you are holding upon yourself. Humans are social and loving creatures and to deny that is to deny your own humanity. Don't.

Don't deny your humanity, your yearning for love and connection, and your obvious sense of how fundamentally important having full human emotional and, yes, sexual relationship is in your life.

How do I resolve this? Was I born gay or did my molesters make me this way? And in either case, why do I have to be forever alone?

Follow what you know to be right and true in your own heart, with your own truth. How it came to pass that you are gay is completely immaterial. If you think that there is some kind of punishment, or inferiority, or guilt or brokenness implied by who you are as a gay man or as a survivor, that is the problem.

You don't need to deny your identity and your nature. You don't need to be alone. You provide the power to a religion that places this restriction upon you. For me, I recognized that in continuing to give a religion and it's inerrant and literal dogma that power in my life I was complicit and participating in my own oppression.

Consider taking back that power from religion and forging your own, personal and intimate connection with the divine.

Consider accepting who you are fully and completely and understanding that acceptance doesn't separate you from the divine, it brings you closer to it's truth and core.

Consider the infinitely loving, compassionate, and just divinity that you hold in your heart and ask if what is being asked and expected of you is loving, compassionate and just.



Everybody here's got a story to tell
Everybody's been through their own hell
There's nothing too special about getting hurt
Getting over it, that takes the work

- "Duck and Cover" by Glen Phillips

#343155 - 10/26/10 04:53 PM Re: Christian and Gay? [Re: Ever-fixed Mark]
Tinman Offline

Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 359
Loc: Lake Forest, CA
I want to say thank you for the sensitive way you have all handled this with me. It's a lot to process, of course.

I don't know where I will end up with this, but I am buoyed by the compassion and lack of judgment in what I have read here.

"I finally have my heart!"

To the perps: Don't worry about me coming after you. But you damn well better watch out for God! "Vengeance is mine", saith the Lord

#343204 - 10/27/10 01:08 AM Re: Christian and Gay? [Re: Tinman]
kb8715 Offline

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 811
The God I believe in is no bigot! The way I see it to feel unwelcomed in your faith because you are gay would be much the same as feeling unwelcomed because of your skin color. Keep your faith and heal brother....thats my straight guy heartfelt advice.


"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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