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#343323 - 10/27/10 11:53 PM Re: Oprah [Re: hopeandtry]
wnt2bsupportive Offline

Registered: 09/02/09
Posts: 15
I agree with many things you are saying hope4him. We have actually talked before and we have a similar situation. The survivor I love is my ex as well. I stayed with him for quite some time b/c I thought I would be able to "protect" him from destroying himself anymore. I have since realized that I can't. Only he can save himself. I don't think that either side will ever know what it is like for the other. While I know it is hard for a survivor ( I would never try to even compare the two) it is also very hard to be someone that loves a survivor. You lose a part of yourself at times b/c you are so focused on the person you love. All you want is to take away their pain, sorrow and everything else but you know you can't.

If you ever want/need to talk feel free to message me.

#343324 - 10/28/10 12:02 AM Re: Oprah [Re: wnt2bsupportive]
hopeandtry Offline

Registered: 07/29/10
Posts: 476
I agree. I have learned to take care of myself (sometimes I forget, and I pay for it through mental and emotional exhaustion...sometimes even physically exhausted). I feel that if I take care of myself and have time to "be me" myself...and do my own hobbies, hang out with my friends, concentrate on my own work, etc, that when it IS a good time to be supportive, I am much more able to be a helpful and understanding person.

#343433 - 10/28/10 09:08 PM Re: Oprah [Re: hopeandtry]
Avery46 Offline

Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1243
Loc: USA

I really enjoy your presence here on the db and in chat. I have NEVER had a female care for me as I see you care about your ex by being here. I think it is great your here. It is a challenge for me as a survivor to not be triggered by your presence but that is for me to get over NOT you. Learning to get through the triggers is what is healing. I know what I am saying is NOT fair to you. I know that I have triggered others in chat and probably on the db's. None of us want to trigger or hurt others.

This forum your posting in is for "families/friends" of survivors. There is a separate room in chat for families and friends if you need support from other supporters with no survivors in the room.


aka DJsport

#343452 - 10/29/10 01:32 AM Re: Oprah [Re: Avery46]
hopeandtry Offline

Registered: 07/29/10
Posts: 476
Thanks Donnie. Don't worry about anything you said...I'm not offended. And if any of the guys ever needs us girls to leave the chatroom, I encourage you to let us know (politely of course). I have tried the family and friends chatroom but there is rarely anyone in there, unfortunately.

#343453 - 10/29/10 01:44 AM Re: Oprah [Re: hopeandtry]
Tinman Offline

Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 359
Loc: Lake Forest, CA

When I was in Chicago last week, it was the first time I met spouses and partners of survivors. And one very special lady broke my heart when she said she loved her husband, wanted to help, and felt she was being pushed away.

I wanted it to be just us guys. Until I met her. Then I realized, for the first time, we are all in this together.

Yes, there are times I will only want to talk to male survivors. But I am so floored by the caring you ladies and the gay partners of survivors show. And your own suffering in dealing with this nightmare. To stick with us proves you are made of really strong stuff.

You are such an important part of this process!

"I finally have my heart!"

To the perps: Don't worry about me coming after you. But you damn well better watch out for God! "Vengeance is mine", saith the Lord

#343455 - 10/29/10 01:59 AM Re: Oprah [Re: Tinman]
Danbuff Offline

Registered: 08/03/07
Posts: 249
Loc: NY state
I have been watching this topic and would like to finally respond. I too was part of the show and I cannot convey how powerful the healing was/is. It transformed me to find my strong voice and say without shame I am a survivor and I was and a victim and I no longer hide in fear, shame and despair. I also just posted on my Facebook page. I will post it here.

I have a debt of gratitude to all my brothers here and especially to those I met in Chicago. You empowered all of us and the validation I felt to look at another man in person who actually understood me melted away years of pain and helped me to feel a connection that shall always be in my memory. I am one of six guys from Buffalo and again I thank you all. I will now send a message to Oprah and share my gratitude. I encourage others if you have not already done so.
No more secrets!

When you stumble, make it part of the dance.

#343488 - 10/29/10 08:13 AM Re: Oprah [Re: Danbuff]
Mike1968 Offline

Registered: 09/14/09
Posts: 117
Loc: California
It will likely be the typical sinereo, most were molested as by Males though Oprah may slip in one or two at the most who were molested by females and the perps will be their own mothers.

I haven't watched tv in 12 years, and my friends don't own a tv either (they are very athletic/outdoorsy too) so I will miss it. Unlike most shows, Oprah for some reason doesn't allow us to watch her episodes online except for some small snippets she allows to be viewed (unless somethings changed in the last few yrs) Last time I watched her she berated James Ray or Frey the guy who wrote the book "A million little pieces" who was abused so to say I was unimpressed is an understatement. Ok rant over, sorry for being a wet blanket. I hope everyone gets to watch it who wants to and i am glad for those it helped and will help

#343554 - 10/29/10 06:25 PM Re: Oprah [Re: Mike1968]
hopeandtry Offline

Registered: 07/29/10
Posts: 476
I thought the reason she berated him was because much of his memoir was untrue? (not little stuff either)

#343615 - 10/30/10 04:21 AM Re: Oprah [Re: hopeandtry]
ericc Offline

Registered: 01/05/08
Posts: 1986
Oprah was one of the people who helped promote his book through her endorsement, believing it to be a true story. Once the truth came out that much of it was fabricated, I suppose she felt betrayed. I believe that is what was behind how she dealt with him on the said show. I am not making judgment one way or the other on how that all went down with James Frey (it was a good fiction book, but it was being pushed as a true story), but that is the background.

#343616 - 10/30/10 04:24 AM Re: Oprah [Re: ericc]
hopeandtry Offline

Registered: 07/29/10
Posts: 476
Ah...that makes sense.

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