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#342960 - 10/24/10 08:17 PM I may get flamed, but this needs to be said....
Anomalous Offline

Registered: 03/07/10
Posts: 2241
There are too many posts for me to remember who did and who did not attend the Oprah show.

I am not trying to invalidate anyone's feelings. While I sympathize with those who were not contacted, even to let them know the Oprah show had received an overwhelming response and the 200 places were full, I find the focus on not getting a response .... well, troubling.

While it would be a nicety to have received a reply, shouldn't one of the issues about which to contact the producers be why the show ONLY focused on CSA, when adult males who are sexually abused are even more of an invisible group?

If anyone has the ability, and the inclination, to contact a producer, I would like them to know that they overlooked a very important facet of sexual abuse, and that is, males who are abused as adults. I searched for a contact link on the Oprah website but I could not find one, or else I would contact them regarding this issue.

I know what Oprah is attempting to do is ground breaking and for that, I am happy. If anyone can get people talking about issues, she can. But to have a group given no recognition of their existence is disheartening.

In the few articles on the Oprah website in which she asks things such as "Sexually Abused Men: Is Your Husband One of Them?" the article only focuses on abuse that took place up to the age of sixteen. Links on Google regarding the recent tapings only show the focus of the episode(s) to be on men and boys healing from Child Sexual Abuse.

Obviously every issue cannot be tackled, but to overlook an already ignored group sends the messages that either adult men are not abused or, that they are not worthy of consideration or services when abuse happens.

Instead of speaking on behalf of those who were not contacted to go on the show, how about speaking on behalf of those who were not considered because the topic, CHILD sexual abuse, precluded any thought of their existence.

Just a thought.


Acceptance on someone else's terms is worse than rejection.

#342961 - 10/24/10 08:31 PM Re: I may get flamed, but this needs to be said.... [Re: Anomalous]
Tinman Offline

Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 359
Loc: Lake Forest, CA
OMG! You are right!

I have resisted the calls to contact my producer for those of those who feel slighted, but this is a different issue.

I think they talk about this even less than CSA.

I will send an email to my producer. No guarantees. And I will tell you why..... Because it's bad enough that CSA on males is ignored, but most people will believe it impossible for a fully grown male to experience it. And that is SO wrong!

I am sorry because ASA is not something on my front-burner. But it happens. You are just as deserving of being heard.

I won't flame you for this! I will embrace you for reminding me!

"I finally have my heart!"

To the perps: Don't worry about me coming after you. But you damn well better watch out for God! "Vengeance is mine", saith the Lord

#342963 - 10/24/10 08:39 PM Re: I may get flamed, but this needs to be said.... [Re: Tinman]
Obi Offline

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1634
Loc: kansas
won't get flamed by me.

i think you need to be heard/validated as much as the others do.

live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

#342964 - 10/24/10 08:40 PM Re: I may get flamed, but this needs to be said.... [Re: Tinman]
AndyJB2005 Offline

Registered: 11/14/06
Posts: 1249
Loc: Minnesota
I do wish the topic of adult victims could be addressed, too. My partner is an adult victim and I feel so bad that he can't get the exposure he would like.

But just because Oprah didn't talk about ASA this time does not mean you were "ignored." There are resources out there beyond Oprah, ya know. smile If there aren't as many as you'd like then take the initiative! smile

Off topic: Can I ask why we need so many subgroups? Are we not all just survivors and victims of abuse? What purpose does dividing our friends and allies into even more societal boxes serve?

Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. -- Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

#342969 - 10/24/10 09:16 PM Re: I may get flamed, but this needs to be said.... [Re: AndyJB2005]
Derdlecar Offline

Registered: 11/08/05
Posts: 1316
Loc: Ogden Utah, USA

When questions like yours come up there is a part of me that responds on a gut level that is quite emotional. And that I suppose is a good thing. But the response that I'm giving is not from that side of me, but from the logical side. I say this so that you will that I really do have feelings and I really do care.

Back in 1989 when I first saw a therapist, there was nothing that my therapist could find that pertained to men at all in the way of either CSA or ASA. Googling something was unheard of and I had to be settle for materials intended for women.

Thank God, things are different now! However the point you so eloquently bring up speaks loud and clear for the need of further change. I believe that in time ASA will be on the front burner; it will be dealt with. What we need to do now is the same thing that I and others did back in 1989. We complained to my T's and they went to her professional meetings and told of the need for materials for men that are survivors of CSA and in time those materials began to arrive on the seen. We need to do (and continue to do) just as have done here, and that is to voice our concerns and needs.

We also have something we didn't have in 1989, we have powerful organizations such as MS that can help us voice our needs for more materials for survivors of ASA.


If a man would get his life on track, he must first go back to the place where it was derailed.

#342972 - 10/24/10 09:25 PM Re: I may get flamed, but this needs to be said.... [Re: AndyJB2005]
Anomalous Offline

Registered: 03/07/10
Posts: 2241
I plan on taking the initiative.

As for the "subgroups," they aren't meant to divide.

While we all share the unfortunate commonality of abuse, and while there may be many similarities, there are differences regarding some of the resulting traumas and other issues.

Just like there, in my opinion, shouldn't be the need for groups specific to affectional preferences, etc., the fact remains that members of various groups do have different experiences, and need to address those with peers with similar experiences.

As much as I can identify with those who have suffered the various abuses I have endured, I do not know what it is like to have been sexually abused at a younger age and how that would affect me. Nor can someone who was abused at an age earlier than that which I experienced know the complexities that come with having been abused at an older age.

I know what I am trying to say, the words just aren't coming forth as I intend.

There are differences and for that reason, there need to be groups in which those differences can be addressed.

Put a different perspective on it.... if this site was geared to only those abused as adults, would those abused as children feel they were included?

On sites geared towared women, do men feel included?

As much as it may seem to divide us by having sub-groups, at times it is necessary.

But if you look at the busiest forum, the Male Survivor forum, we come together as a group of guys trying to heal from what life threw at us. And if you come into chat, you can experience that in real-time.

Sorry this is so long-winded and rambling.

There may be smaller groups to address more specific needs, but we are still an allied group.


Acceptance on someone else's terms is worse than rejection.

#342975 - 10/24/10 09:41 PM Re: I may get flamed, but this needs to be said.... [Re: Anomalous]
Avery46 Offline

Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1243
Loc: USA

You write very well. I am not sure where I would fit as I have CSA and ASA issues. AND yes, we can only do what we can and not be divided.

NOT much to say but wanted to give my support.


aka DJsport

#342976 - 10/24/10 09:42 PM Re: I may get flamed, but this needs to be said.... [Re: Anomalous]
prisonerID Offline
Greeter Emeritus

Registered: 02/17/08
Posts: 1247
Loc: Oklahoma

You found the right words that I was struggling to say as well about the the need for subgroups. And we stand as common ground...just different soil.

Broad statements often miss their true mark.

#342998 - 10/25/10 02:48 AM Re: I may get flamed, but this needs to be said.... [Re: prisonerID]
justmejoey Offline

Registered: 09/25/08
Posts: 37
The deal is that people have problems thinking that an adult could suffer the same hand dealt to a child when it comes to abuse. I say that this happens often, in jail, military, even on the streets. It makes no difference if you are a child or a senior in retirement. I hate when lines are drawn to show what is and what isn't. if it has happened then you know it has and you suffer until you get help dealing with it. That makes us all the same doesn't it? Just my opinion.

#343050 - 10/25/10 06:33 PM Re: I may get flamed, but this needs to be said.... [Re: justmejoey]
AngryA$$hole Offline

Registered: 10/17/10
Posts: 7
Had I known so many people wanted to be on Oprah, I would've given you my place.

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