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#342878 - 10/23/10 06:24 PM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: LandOfShadow]
Avery46 Offline

Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1243
Loc: USA
The show was a good thing. BUT lets not forget those of us who have spoken YET.

Some here have reached higher levels of perceived enlightened by being able to tell your story even if you were NOT actually seen on the screen.

TV has notoriety and a sense of fame and accomplishment much like a WoR but this can be viewed in a much larger scale.

We can embrace each other and grow in unity now that the show is over for now.


aka DJsport

#342884 - 10/23/10 08:19 PM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: Avery46]
Nony Offline
New Here

Registered: 10/25/07
Posts: 9
After all the work and contributions the Male Survivor organization and members of this community put into the Oprah show why is there not a link to the MS website- as a resource and place for Survivors to get help-- on the Oprah website page? I'm not familiar with the Oprah website so I may be mistaken but the only link I see --way down towards the end of the page is a link to RAINN:
"•If you or someone you love has experienced sexual abuse, get help from the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network at"

In the sidebar next to that there also is nothing from any of the many therapists who attend WORs and/or are experts in the field of male sexual abuse.

Are there links or referrals to Male Survivor in other places that I'm missing? If not, why not??????


#342932 - 10/24/10 02:42 PM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: Nony]
Mountainous Buck Offline

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1631
Loc: Minnesota
My wish-

That this will spark a wider awakening and many more than the 10,000 men who contacted Oprah will reach out, speak out, and find healing.

I hope MaleSurvivor is ready to meet this-I don't know how much website traffic we've received lately-but having a link on Oprah's website and RAIN's, as well as men on November 5th mention will help.

I was staffing a Mankind Project weekend when this conversation began. One of the most powerful statements I heard fits well in regards to reaching out to those that need us. Iit was this:

"the ocean is so big, and my boat is so small."

Start rowing.

Edited by Mountainous Buck (10/25/10 10:06 PM)
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

�It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

#342936 - 10/24/10 03:21 PM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: Mountainous Buck]
AndyJB2005 Offline

Registered: 11/14/06
Posts: 1249
Loc: Minnesota
It's not enough for some people that Oprah's using her million-dollar airtime, 100s of employee hours and thousand-dollar promos/airtime to promote the plight of male abuse victims, but now they're and evil wrong for not sending out apology letters to each and every person who didn't get a chance to go on?

We will be lucky if they don't just pull the whole episode after they get 1000s of letters basically saying "screw you" after all they HAVE done for male survivors.

I know if it was my show I just might!

Not everybody in this world gets a trophy, ya know, and I think we may just be shooting ourselves in the foot here with our ungratefulness.

Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. -- Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

#342952 - 10/24/10 07:20 PM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: AndyJB2005]
kevinkr Offline

Registered: 10/20/10
Posts: 25
I was on the show, and personally was disappointed that the "Q and A" session was so short. It seemed to be all about Tyler Perry, the "doctor" they had (who seemed to repeat himself over and over), and a handful of survivors. And a couple of well, dare I say, "nut cases" they allowed to speak. Being a victim of an Episcopal Priest, I would have loved to be able to SAY that, just 5 seconds, and help bring out other Episcopal victims. But, it was interesting and hopefully will lead to more exposure for all types of victims, not just the handful they put on the stage. They could have done a better job "covering the spectrum" of different types of abuse. Again, let's hope it leads to more coverage from media outlets both local and nationally.I do thank the great staff of Harpo, they were friendly and very professional.(Especially the head security guard that let me back in to use the restroom).

#342954 - 10/24/10 07:49 PM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: kevinkr]
Tinman Offline

Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 359
Loc: Lake Forest, CA
Ok, time for me to jump back in here.

I knew going in that any chance of my speaking was extremely remote. I went there for one reason and one reason only: To help bring awareness of this evil to the public.

Yes, I believe that Tyler was given too much of an eminent role. As if he is an expert. He is not. He is one of us.

But let me clear something up about Dr. Fradkin. He is not some hands off Psychologist. Several of my friends who have been to WoR have met him AT those retreats. They say he has a passion for the survivor and I believe them. One friend of mine who attended said to me "Dr. Fradkin?? That's Howard!" because he knew him from a retreat he attended.

The reality is this: Not all could speak. I wish we could. I wish we could say to the world "Listen to me!" and hear the stories of ALL survivors! But this is not possible in such a venue.

Please celebrate the fact that this show was done for US! All of us. And the thousands of men and boys who have not yet found their voice. And the ones who could not attend or were not invited due to limits on the size of the group.

For those of you who are offended by the lack of response to your inquiries, don't let your anger cloud what was done. This is monumental for ALL survivors, not just the 200 that were there. It is another step in bringing the plight of boys and men that are suffering to the fore.

The world is not perfect. Oprah is not perfect. Tyler is not perfect. But what was done was as good as it can get for now. One day, we may have a bigger forum. But we got this one.

"I finally have my heart!"

To the perps: Don't worry about me coming after you. But you damn well better watch out for God! "Vengeance is mine", saith the Lord

#342967 - 10/24/10 09:04 PM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: Tinman]
ericc Offline

Registered: 01/05/08
Posts: 1986
Good for you guys for taking charge to get corrected an unfair characterization of what the show was actually about, and good for the show staff for recognizing their mistake and doing something about it.

For the rest of us that were not on the show for whatever reason, do know that the guys that were there helped start a conversation that benefits all of us, not to mention the countless number of other males who are living in silence with this stuff, and who may now find the courage to find their voice and be heard in some fashion. That is a great thing. Undoubtedly a show of the scope isn't going to happen without some hitches, but it is my hope that it is all for the best.


#343039 - 10/25/10 04:58 PM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: Mountainous Buck]
LandOfShadow Offline

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
Originally Posted By: Mountainous Buck
I hope MaleSurvivor is ready to meet this-I don't know how much website traffic we've received lately-but having a link on Oprah's website and RAIN's, as well as men on November 5th mention will help. refers people to I don't think the show is going to say much about all the resources. There are a number, and serve differing interests (victims, partners, prevention, general awareness).

I'm worried about this. I don't think there IS a link to malesurvivor on RAIN's web site??? I looked quite a bit and I can't find it. Or any other links for male CSA except which does link malesurvivor but none of the other support web sites.

RAINN looks to be a women's (adult) rape and sexual assault organization. There's typically really a problem here. It just SO irritates me they have a national sexual assault hotline and organization, state on their site "Male victims of sexual assault are an often forgotten population--unseen, neglected, and underserved." and do exactly that. One of the RAINN local affiliates here simply doesn't respond to male victims requesting services (no call backs). Their funding requires it, their web site advertises it but it never happens in fact. They refused me as a volunteer even. There are many simular reports on Rape Crisis organizations. It would really help if more men volunteered.

I called the national hotline, left a message with a live person, got a call back in about 30 minutes from a local Rape Crisis Center. That's how it works. They have local affiliates that respond to calls. The good part is local affiliates should know local resources better. The bad part is some of these organizations are hostile to men, or don't know the special male-oriented resources for childhood abuse. has no victim services/support links. doesn't link MS or any victim resource sites, only prevention oriented sites.

E-mail and request these links be provided.

Perhaps some of you could call the national 800 number, ask the local affiliate about male child sexual abuse resources and report back what they say. I'm afraid some will not handle the call well.

Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you

Paul Eluard

#343042 - 10/25/10 05:51 PM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: LandOfShadow]
WalkingSouth Offline

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16270
Loc: Waldport, Oregon

Regard links on Oprah's website for support organizations for male survivors:

It is my understanding from the statements that were made by Oprah and her staff last Wed. during the taping that they will be placing such links on their website for a variety of organizations including MaleSurvivor at or around their advertised relase date for the first show on the fifth.

"Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting 'Holy Shit! What a ride!'" ~Hunter S. Thompson

#343096 - 10/26/10 01:02 AM Re: You went to Oprah? Read this!!!! [Re: LandOfShadow]
Steve Augustine Offline

Registered: 10/06/10
Posts: 7
Loc: Florida, U.S.A.
Your absolutely right, regarding the issues you brought up about RAINN. It is difficult to find resources or services for male survivors.
I am a speaker with there speakers bureau. I will e-mail my contact (she's a vp in communications) and see what I can do to help fix this problem. Perhaps create a section or sub group for male resources. RAINN is national, but at the same time works and is made up mainly by local centers. There online hot line volunteers are people trained by local centers. However because it is a national organization and for what it does and has accomplished it gets a lot of attention.
I think I'm at a time in my life where I can take on that challenge of perhaps getting some things done. I'll let you know.

"The only time you run out of chances is when you stop taking them."

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