Better as an answer in my own post:
I just felt about the whole thing as I have about the Weekends of Retreat, my inpatient stays, programs, therapies, health worker protocols, etc..... they are centered upon helping the "fixable", those with resources, community, physiological and psychological responsiveness. It is were the focus blinds the reality that there is more than what they comprehend.
Yes guys will watch to find that "others" really are out there but it will still be the "many will enter, some may win" kind of thing that has been attached to all of the current studies surrounding the subject.
I don't fall under most of the assumptions and commonalities attributed to "survivors". I have had over 10 years of having to deal with misinformed "educated professionals" who have tried to make me into someone described in a textbook or a past patient of theirs, or some other "case" they heard of, or one of you who directly relate to everything "common" to "survivors".
My problem with it was that someone couldn't speak for me and the kinds of things I deal with, which continues the false spectrum of what is recognized and taught upon. This will reinforce the beliefs of those who think they know it all and start the bias in those who stumble upon watching it. It makes my life harder to be the odd one out.
I didn't want anything to do with being on camera but would have liked a part in trying to include guys like me by possibly being present to pass even a note to prove that someone like me exists. For selfish reasons it would have been to find that I'm not alone in what my experience is as opposed to what the majority is believed to be. I cannot transform myself into being part of that majority. I have found friends who have experienced abuse in horrible ways. I have not found my "others" who are specific to things known to me.(I hope that makes somekind of sense, hopefully guys who know me get what I tried to express without thinking they aren't important to me or something bad)
Why couldn't it be possible to address things in a different way rather than revisiting the same stuff just on a bigger stage? What if there is something key to hearing another approach? You can't tell me that "RECOVERY" was not featured as part of the show or that survivorship was not attached to each who attended. Yes that is empowering to a lot of you. Great! No guilt directed for what you gained. On the opposite side, don't resent the guys left behind scrounging for a morsel of hope.
The statistics? 1 in 4, 1 in 6?
...then there's me the imaginary number