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#341993 - 10/13/10 01:57 PM Abused at school
maxpower2010 Offline

Registered: 10/13/10
Posts: 1
First off apologies if this in the wrong section (I'm sure mods will relocate it), I found this forum after pages & pages of searching.

I have read through some of the statements about confusion, guilt & anger in someways. Much of the abuse seems to have been done by older males/family members.

My case is different in as much it was carried on by peers of the same age. I can't honestly remember how long it carried on for but it started I think between the ages of 6 & 7 by boys of the same age which was oral. Through my memory there seemed to be a gang leader & his two followers. Being so young I never told a soul - running alongside this my parents were divorcing & my father was a physical violent person towards my mam & older brother - but never to me. Yet I just couldn't say anything. I wasn't a happy child for a lot of it

The physical abuse never started again when at secondary school even though the main instigator was there till he moved away at around 14. What did happen through my school life was bullying & verbal abuse around this subject & anything really. Consequently I hated school & couldn't wait to leave.

I have had girlfriends & have one now (3 years nearly) but this has caused issues & is - the first one being how do I tell her (which Ive done & my mum now knows I blurted it out one night very drunk after a 2 day bender) I guess something had to give. The problems for me & her is I'm not interested in sex since I disclosed this (maybe its guilt, humiliation or maybe fear of its time for sex) though I never had this before, but then again I never told any previous girlfriends. To add I have never had a same sex relation since the abuse & I'm now mid 30's - I don't fancy men

I have read on various web-pages about re-enactment & those flashbacks are vivid - maybe I'm trying to comprehend it as an adult.

She has been patient beyond belief & I did say I would get help for this, because if one thing will destroy us this will be it.

Any help would be gracefully received

#341997 - 10/13/10 02:48 PM Re: Abused at school [Re: maxpower2010]
InsideTheWall Offline

Registered: 01/10/09
Posts: 297
Deleted. Didn't realise where I was posting.

Edited by InsideTheWall (10/14/10 11:55 AM)

#342087 - 10/14/10 12:15 PM Re: Abused at school [Re: InsideTheWall]
michael Joseph Offline

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
i was beat by half my gym class my tenth grade year
my sexual abuse started at age5
not sure what to say at this time
will get back to you

Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

#342146 - 10/14/10 11:44 PM Re: Abused at school [Re: michael Joseph]
KeithR Offline

Registered: 10/28/06
Posts: 363
Loc: Georgia
You may be interested in this.!/event.php?eid=122462384475928

I was never really bullied or beaten as a child, but i recently had a knife pulled on me, and I have all sorts of mixed feelings about it. I will definitely be dressed appropriately on Wednesday.

#342154 - 10/15/10 03:02 AM Re: Abused at school [Re: KeithR]
catfish86 Offline

Registered: 10/27/09
Posts: 832
Loc: Ohio
Well, I can tell you a classic one is someone saying, "It didn't affect me." Well let's look at a court docket, ah domestic violence, dui's, drug busts and the longest you've held a job is 2-3 years. Yep, your doing just fine.

It does not matter necessarily the age. I could be said, and I have definitely witnessed a younger boy abuse older kids. Basically, he was well versed in sex and knew what he wanted. Now that kid had obviously been abuse, but the older kid he got into bed had no clue.

There are a variety of factors in whether it was abuse. That you were led into it by a "ringleader" is definitely a sign. It is also true that children who witness the abuse of a parent and/or sibling can be very traumatized by what they see.

You should also realize that quite often our mind shields us by suppressing bad memories. My own story held quite a bit of this. My own situation is benefiting greatly from trauma therapy. It is often hard to find the right therapist for you, but I might suggest professional counseling to unwind the knots from your past.

With your girlfriend, be honest as you can without being hurtful. Oftentimes, it may be helpful for her to know what you went through. A blow by blow de>
God grant me
The Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The Courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to know the difference.


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