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#329443 - 04/23/10 12:34 PM complaints to Eharmony
dark empathy Offline

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2708
Loc: durham, north england
As I've said before, my experience with Eharmony has been a dysmal failure sinse though I've been on there sinse august of last year, not one person has even bothered to send me a basic hello message.

Needless to say, this doesn't do a lot for my self-isteme or any sot of hope of finding a relationship at all.

I'm afraid the only real good I've got out of Eharmony is phoning their customer services and giving them a hard time.

no, this isn't particualrly nice, but I feel very much that they deserve it. Everytime I read their promotional crap on site I want to spit.

So, after giving the woman on the phone a very hard time indeed, I got her to give me their complaints and customer services address which I've then contacted.

I know there are at least a couple of people on this site who are victim's of Eharomony as well, so I'll post what I said to them below along with my address, and if anyone wants to relieve their feelings by yelling at Eharmony, ---- feel free! they deserve it very much in my book.

Perhaps this is directing my anger at the wrong person, ---- but it's the only outlet I have that isn't myself currently, and the fact that I can't have the sort of relationship which all my friends have, to have that sort of communication with another person even if just temporarily, that the closest I've ever been to someone was while having my face spat in, ---- that bloody hurts!

Their address is

Dear Eharmony.
I perchiced a years' sub>

#329459 - 04/23/10 03:23 PM Re: complaints to Eharmony [Re: dark empathy]
kidneythis Offline

Registered: 11/09/09
Posts: 1558
Dark EMpathy,
I fell for the internet in a big way when it first became popular in 97 or so.

Except for Craigslist I never got a return message that lead anywhere. In the end I came to the conclusion that the photos and profiles I saw were fake and that the company was posting these fake female profiles and sending me fake replies, because generally these websites are a sausage fest. Truth is women unless physically repulsive or a mental basket case requiring constant attention, can get a mate even if they don't like him. For men it is different.
I wouldn't take those "matches" too seriously and chalk it up to experience.
Not a small part of the western economy is based on manipulating and taking advantage of lonely people. You're a decent honest man from what I've read by you on here I wouldn't worry too much about your attractiveness to the opposite sex. You have a good mind and as you age it will only become more clear how important that is.

If I may, it seems like me, you are trying to put the cart before the horse. In my case I need to get some resolution for the issues of the mental and emotional traumas I've been afflicted with since I left the torture chambers, the most recent in 2006. I'll probably have to find help for the trauma in the torture chambers as I relax into this. There are special issues for boys who were abused by women I think.
Only after that will I be able to be a decent partner for someone. I know now I couldn't and can't relate to women except through the filter of my abuse, sexual and otherwise. I count the abusive women I fell into relationships with over the years as abuse episodes too.
I can't even see the filter so I'm not likely to match with anyone who isn't just as damaged and untreated as me.

I expect that once I start to get resolution for my issues I will start being able to see others as I should and then I will be able to choose properly and be a good partner as well.

Edited by kidneythis (04/23/10 03:23 PM)
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

#329527 - 04/24/10 02:29 AM Re: complaints to Eharmony [Re: kidneythis]
MrDon Offline

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
I still remember one time going into a dating place in Little Rock AR. It wasn't eharmony but I can't remember the name of it. The high pressure job they put on me when I was feeling depressed and terrible about myself was unlike no other. When I wouldn't sign up, the guy got so angry and started screaming at me. At the time, I hadn't really dealt with many of my issues and so I was triggered pretty bad. I was afraid for my life. At one point in the interview, the guy had to get up and get something. I saw my chance and ran out the door. I didn't stop running until I got in my car and drove away quickly. I was so afraid that day that they were going to come after me.

So I didn't sign up. If I remember correctly they were wanting like $1800 for maybe a dozen matches or something. It was quite expensive at the time and were talking back in the early 1990's.

In many ways, I'm glad it didn't work out and I didn't meet someone then because I was not ready to. When I met the love of my life, it just happened. Neither of us were really looking or thinking about it. It just happened and we've been together now for over 10 years (going on 11). We're both abuse survivors as well which I think presents challenges but also is a very good thing. We understand what the other is going through.

I would push for a refund and if they don't, contact the Better Business Beaureu or Attorney General's office and file a complaint. It sounds like you have more than held up your end of the deal and they have not delivered what they promised.

Keep working on yourself - that's the best way to meet someone who will be a life partner and soulmate for you. I know - that's easier for me to say than it is to live with. I didn't find mine soulmate and partner until I was 35.


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#329594 - 04/24/10 03:56 PM Re: complaints to Eharmony [Re: MrDon]
Hauser Offline

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2963
Loc: United States
At least you got admitted into eharmony! This is what I was told after I filled out my profile:
“Unable To Match You At This Time

eHarmony is based upon a complex matching system developed through extensive research with married couples. One of the requirements for successful matching is that participants fall within certain defined profiles. If we find that we will not be able to match a user using these profiles, we feel it is only fair to inform them early in the process.

We are so convinced of the importance of creating compatible matches to help people establish happy, lasting relationships that we sometimes choose not to provide service rather than risk an uncertain match.

Unfortunately, we are not able to make our profiles work for you. Our matching model could not accurately predict with whom you would be best matched. This occurs for about 20% of potential users, so 1 in 5 people simply will not benefit from our service. We hope that you understand, and we regret our inability to provide service for you at this time.”

I don't know if this is because I'm a uniquely special person requiring the type of relationships not normally found among the common, uneducated (in the real-world sense), normal people. I sure hope so, otherwise I must simply be a social misfit that can't profile himself in a complimentary way. It's either that or I'm unattractive in some other way, I suspect that it's mostly because I'm forthcoming about my 25k-35k salary range. (Why are there SO FEW people within my working-class salary range signing up for these sites?)

Anyway, I've tried as well and let me tell you, I got the same results as you did. No one would respond to me. These were women I was approaching. Let me tell you, there is nothing special about them, they didn't have movie-star looks, they're just average looking women. I could not help but laugh at the thought of THEM rejecting ME. THAT's a laugh.

I've also noted that the ONLY women that approached me were just plain unattractive. (overweight, sorry, but fat chicks are a huge turn-off for me.) But, EVEN THEN, I had the good graces to RESPOND to them and turn them down for a different, yet plausible reason; They lived too far away. What ever happened to common decency between strangers? Especially within the confines of a singles-meeting forum?

I then decided to try men. (hehe, yes) I was getting the same results. These results were NOT helping my self-esteem, to say the least. The only commonality I could find with them is that EVERY single one of the only ones that I determined to be compatible for me (looks-wise) made QUITE a bit higher salary than me. Am I really so undesirable just because I make low-end salary? Even though I convincingly convey and articulate that I manage the money that I do make responsibly?

I've determined that there are most likely 3 possibilities for my results of this pursuit:

One is that I'm so out-of-it, relationship-wise that I have no idea how to put a complimentary profile together (not likely), or,...........

that my honest salary of between 25k to 35k is an immediate turn-off, (even though I manage my finances well enough that I can live alone) or........

that the vast majority of people on these sites aren't even available, they just like to see who hits on them or tries to even strike up a conversation with them.

I've visited the same singles sites for a couple years now, and the EXACT same people are STILL publishing their profiles. What's THAT all about? They've not met someone by NOW? How long does it take? Hence, my previously stated conclusions.

#329647 - 04/25/10 06:37 AM Re: complaints to Eharmony [Re: Hauser]
dark empathy Offline

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2708
Loc: durham, north england
Well, to be perfectly honest, signing up for Eharmony wasn't exactly my idea.

My mum is fairly convinced that I just need a "good relationship" to sort everything out, ---- indeed, very early in my recovery she offered to pay for a nights' escort to try and do something about my s/xual phobia (which I flatly refused).

I found out later that she met my dad through a local dating agency many years ago, hence her belief in the practice and her getting sucked in to Eharmony's advertising. She sort of insisted I signed up and indeed paid the sub>

#329676 - 04/25/10 04:30 PM Re: complaints to Eharmony [Re: dark empathy]
Hauser Offline

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2963
Loc: United States
Interesting.............that your mother was encouraging you to do this. I certainly don't think her intentions misguided; Would you not agree that, in general, people are over-all happier, function better, and have more productive and meaningful lives when they're in a loving, committed relationship?

By the way, I certainly hope I didn't hijack your thread at all with my experiences with these dating sites, I just wanted you to know that your frustrated experience is not unique, and probably not your fault, by virtue of my seemingly reasonable take on things.

#329690 - 04/25/10 07:34 PM Re: complaints to Eharmony [Re: Hauser]
dark empathy Offline

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2708
Loc: durham, north england
Are people in general better in relationships? ---- i don't know, having never been in one myself.

I've seen people who have a sense of rightness about them so palpable it hurts, in deed last month I was at the wedding of a friend I met when i first went to uni at age 19, who I've seen go through a number of relationships, and finally meet the person she's with now who is, ---- right!

Equally, I've met several people, (not just women), who stay with partners who are wrong in some way, ---- both wrong for them or just unable to treat them in a decent way,k simply to avoid being on their own.

Though I do confess the fact that all my friends seem to be marrying off at the moment while (in terms of anything concensual anyway), I'm stil a virgin, that fact hurts.

What I'm really looking for is an experience I've seen betwene the people who are together when things work, an experience of, ---- well communication is really the only word that comes close.

I'm certain my mum has the right intentions, however it's just the execution of this.

I agreed on Eharmony, --- and that's been one big fat dysmal disappointment, and has just ended up making me feel far worse about myself, ---- so why should I bother trying something else?

It seems that there's a hole bunch of stuff about relationships which I failed to learn as a teenager, and which it's impossible to catch up later, ---- I thought Eharmony might solve this, but despite their stupid advertisement (that even convinced my mum), they failed horribly.

I really wish I'd never reached s/xual maturity. it's done no good for me at all.

I sometimes even wish I was to some extent gay, sinse at least then I could have another chap ask me instead of the problem I have with the sterriotype around women, ---- not to mention I'm less uncomfortable with being physically close to men (stil to some extent but not as bad as with females).

But unfortunately for me, --- -I'm not. b

#331799 - 05/23/10 09:04 PM Re: complaints to Eharmony [Re: dark empathy]
dark empathy Offline

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2708
Loc: durham, north england
Well Hauser, your now in good company.

After a number of explosive E-mails (they played the "give it time" card on several occasions), they finally just told me pretty much what they told you, ---- that their service wouldn't work for me.

I did get fairly extreme, in fact Ieven mentioned the theory that all those glowing success stories you read on their sites are actually written by an adds agency somewhere.

They finally refunded me half of my cash. After telling them I hope they changed their add campeign to sucker in less people and actually prove that they were bothered about more than just getting people's money off tem, I just left.

I now plan to actually buy myself a proper birthday present in loo of the one I missed last year, ---- maybe a pair of boxing gloves? ;D.

That's certainly my last experience with dating agencies though.

On the hole relationship front, I'm rapidly coming to the conclusion that I am being stupid.

How does that prayer go? "the courage to change the things I can, the fortitude to accept the things I can't, and the wisdom to know the difference"

I have some wonderful friends who I view as my brothers and sisters. For me, closer relationships cause nothing but pain and suffering.

It has been made manifestly clear to me that for whatever reason anything closer than friendship is simply not possible for me.

Betwene social sterriotypes and goodness knows what other factors, I'm just not the sort of person who ends up with that.

Yes, the closest I've been to anyone was while having my face spat in,---- well so what. This only has the significance I give it.

I cannot rid myself of this desire entirely (I've tried that and it doesn't work), but I can change the way I view this desire.

Relationships for me can go into the box with having my site condition fixed and wishing to fly like a bird or stand on the moon.

there are of course many other things I can do with my time which will be much more worth while and far less painful.

I've got better things to ocupy my time with.

#341697 - 10/08/10 08:19 AM Re: complaints to Eharmony [Re: dark empathy]
Steve Augustine Offline

Registered: 10/06/10
Posts: 7
Loc: Florida, U.S.A.
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Sorry as I know I've just arrived to this site, but I thought I could throw in my two cents as I've had quite a bit of expierence with it.
It's not your fault! I did and tried the same thing for quite some time before realizing that sites like e-harmony are full of false hope and of people trying to make a quick buck. I've seen that more and more success stories are from sites like Yahoo personals and AOL personals. Simply because it's just an add on to an already running site and therfore more "normal" people go to sites like those. I was very fortunate to meet my wife on yahoo personals. It could be worth a shot. Either way best of luck no matter what!!

"The only time you run out of chances is when you stop taking them."


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