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#341052 - 09/29/10 07:35 AM Trying to see the humour
learning2remember Offline

Registered: 10/21/03
Posts: 401
Loc: Europe
O.k., I think what I'm going to describe here is actually funny. I mean, I know it could be funny if the right actors did the scene. Even though I was telling myself it was funny, though, I couldn't laugh at it yet. I'm hoping by putting it down here, I can reach that point. Here goes...


The other day I'm in a café with a friend, and I order a latte, no sugar.

When the coffee, comes I can't enjoy it, though. What's my problem, you ask? The glass. It's hard to describe exactly, but rather than just putting the stuff in a regular coffee mug, it is in a glass. It's got a bit of a stem, if I remember right, and the part the coffee is in curves in a bit and then back out a bit, with a little ear of a handle. I think they even gave me a straw.

To me it looked feminine. I mean, I actually couldn't enjoy the coffee. I was worried what the waiter and everybody else would think of me. I drank it as quickly as I could just to finish the thing so he would take it away. I might have even looked around, self-conscious about who was seeing me drink from a girly cup. I'm pretty sure nobody else noticed or cared, but I was really afraid they'd see me as effeminate for drinking from a cup like that.

I'm wanting to laugh at this, just not able to yet. I'm a bit torn between thinking, "It really was not a man's glass" and laughing at "WHAT is that supposed to mean?"

I told a friend about it, and she sympathetically said I have a right to drink from whatever kind of cup I want to. Nice.

Just imagine:

"Excuse me, waiter. Could you pour this into a different cup, please?"

"Is there a problem, sir?"

"No, I'd just like a different glass."

"I'm sorry, sir. We'll get you a new latte right away."

"No, no. The latte is fine. I just want a different glass."

"Is there a problem with the glass? I hope it's not dirty!"

"No, no, it's not that. Um, it's just, well... Can I just have this same coffee in a cup like hers?"


I'm wondering if any of you have had an experience with something that similarly laughable. I know there is some serious stuff here. We are talking about images of masculinity, and my own insecurities, not to mention the money wasted on that latte, for example, but serious exploration is not the main thing I want here.

I'm wondering if you have ever found yourself laughing at your own self-consciousness or misunderstandings. I'm thinking that being able to laugh at some things is a sign of recovery, and hoping your own examples might help me get there. Please, though, no stories where others laughed at you to your own expense, or about someone else that you laughed at. I'm not talking about picking on people, I'm talking about laughing at misconceptions we ourselves have or had.

I guess if someone else has said something ignorant to you, that you thought was funny even if it wasn't meant to be, that counts, too.

(By the way, I also feel a bit self conscious saying latte, but writing it is o.k.)

Edited by learning2remember (09/29/10 10:33 AM)
"This is not my shame, this is their shame." Mona Eltahawy

#341058 - 09/29/10 10:39 AM Re: Trying to see the humour [Re: learning2remember]
Dogs&Gods Offline

Registered: 03/22/10
Posts: 49
Loc: The Mighty Mitten
Yes I have asked for another glass. Makes my wife howl with laughter.

I simply say that I need a man mug, I have been told sorry that is all we have. I will quickly drink the beverage and not enjoy it at all just because of the presentation.

I think that it is completely normal.

At holiday events I will purposely wait until all the fine china has been taken by others so I can get a plain white plate.

Must likely I am wierd but as an adult if I can control the manly presentaion of what my food come is I will.

On a seperate note I drive a VW Bug (LOSSING SPERM COUNT WITH EVERY MILE!). But it is a diesel and getx 40 mpg so I say that the Girls car is worth it so I can save some money!

Remember Dog is God spelled backwards: The dogs in my life were the first ones to hear my pain and lick away my tears.

#341090 - 09/29/10 05:43 PM Re: Trying to see the humour [Re: Dogs&Gods]
EvanCan Offline

Registered: 09/09/10
Posts: 170
This is a fun discussion thread.
Here are a couple of mine ...
When my daughter's friends come over, and we all share a soda or whatever, then we all want straws. I pour all the drinks, etc., and get out the package of straws. The straws come in green, purple, orange, and pink. I NEVER give myself a pink straw. Never.
Same with these plastic glasses we have. Choices are green, pink, blue, and clear. I just can't give myself the pink glass. Never. Just can't enjoy the drink in the pink glass.
Ridiculous, but true.

Hey, Dogs&Gods, no worries bout the VW bug ... so long as it's a diesel and it's loud. Just dont wash it. ha!

Hope Springs 2010 WoR Alumnus
"I'm here, and I'm on the mend."

#341091 - 09/29/10 05:56 PM Re: Trying to see the humour [Re: EvanCan]
Shaun The Sheep Offline

Registered: 03/17/10
Posts: 188
Loc: West Coast
I don't think that's a CSA issue - I'm a guy and I don't want a pink glass ... period. If there was some world emergency shortage of all glasses and pink was all they had left, okay fine - but for now I'm exercising my right to not drink out of a pink glass.

Thank you.

#341099 - 09/29/10 07:18 PM Re: Trying to see the humour [Re: Shaun The Sheep]
Dogs&Gods Offline

Registered: 03/22/10
Posts: 49
Loc: The Mighty Mitten
EvanCan thanks for the car advice. It is Navy Blue but I am guilty of washing it at least one a week!

Remember Dog is God spelled backwards: The dogs in my life were the first ones to hear my pain and lick away my tears.

#344068 - 11/04/10 08:00 AM Re: Trying to see the humour [Re: Dogs&Gods]
Gamgee Offline

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 25
Loc: Canada
Long before I remembered the abuse, I had developed great skill at using humor as a weapon against bullies and narrow minded people. I always worried about my masculinity, so when I went into nursing school in the early eighties things really lit up. People would say"So, you're going to be a male nurse?" and I'd say "No, I'm going to have a sex change when I graduate!" or"So, you're a male nurse?" and I'd say "NO, I just have a terrible problem with facial hair!" or "Yeah, last time I looked" or I'd look down into the crotch of my pants and say"Yep, I guess so!" The worst was one night when I went to a local pub with 17 of the girls and sat beside this huge, scary biker and when he found out I was in nursing school, he said "What are ya', a faggot?" and I said, "Why, are you lonesome?" He just stared at me and I stared back (cause I wanted to be able to tell God how I'd died) and he said"Suppose you're screwing every girl in the class". I said "Make up your f ing mind!" He laughed and bought me beer all night. He bragged to his biker buddies that nobody else talked back to him like that except his Mom. Once I remembered the abuse and started to come to terms with it, I began using humor to break down people's walls of discomfort. It worked for blacks in the 60s and gays in the 80s and it's starting to work for me. So, maybe you can come up with some jokes to respond gently to point out how hurtful and narrow minded people are being with their humor. Most people really want to be nice, they just react that way because they don't understand and people fear what they don't understand. Ron.

#344077 - 11/04/10 11:56 AM Re: Trying to see the humour [Re: Gamgee]
prisonerID Offline
Greeter Emeritus

Registered: 02/17/08
Posts: 1247
Loc: Oklahoma
"Most people really want to be nice, they just react that way because they don't understand and people fear what they don't understand."

I like that.

Broad statements often miss their true mark.

#344093 - 11/04/10 01:43 PM Re: Trying to see the humour [Re: prisonerID]
Avery46 Offline

Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1243
Loc: USA
Great humor, I love it.

I have a NO pink zone in my house. It is good to see humor in this instead of the seriousness I feel at times. I just do NOT like the color pink.

I would order another drink if it came in a pink glass.

I myself am becoming better at "accepting" my occasional less than manly gestures. I love to go shopping and a couple of male friends have to purchase some items that they will NOT purchase alone or with their wives so they call me. I never thought of this as being humorous.


aka DJsport

#344128 - 11/04/10 07:59 PM Re: Trying to see the humour [Re: Avery46]
Shaun The Sheep Offline

Registered: 03/17/10
Posts: 188
Loc: West Coast
You'll appreciate this...

The other night we went to dinner and ordered drinks. The wife ordered a dark beer (yes, she likes dark beers - any wonder I'm hanging onto her?) and I ordered a signature drink that's something of a vodka cherry coke.

The server brought them to our table and when my wife put her hand up for the dark beer she was like "I did *not* see that coming."

People have weird ideas about what is 'appropriate' and then when you come along they dump it on you. Doesn't make it right or your problem to fix.


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