..,Is this the answer?
"If you ever feel unsafe or get a feeling in your belly that something is not OK, tell your parents, a teacher, or another trusted adult and KEEP telling until you get the help you need."
This is an excerpt from a "Keeping Comunities Safe" pdf
dealing with talking to 3-9 year olds about sexual activity without scaring them.
I was in that age when I was abused, and so as I was reading that, and came across the above line, a light bulb cut on. I STILL feel that pain in my stomach, the stress and tightening when an emotion overwhelms me. Why do I still feel that pain? The answer, I feel, is because I have not told enough of my story to enough people, and therefore have not received the "help" I need.
I was abused at age 6 or 7 by my much older sister, who was abused herself a few years earlier. I was sexually abused by her for two to three years. I was physically abused by my parents. These have led to PTSD, anger management issues, and a slew of coping mechanisms. I now have a difficult time getting out of bed, and hide in a lifestyle that allows it.
I am beginning to be curious and open, much thanks to my MS brothers and WoR in Dahlonegha, Ga this year.
I have much to go, but I am more mobile and interactive than I have ever been, and I want to continue this.
I am anxious because I have not felt any earth shattering revelations of late, but I wonder if that is just recovery space, and I need to be patient, and adjust to an ever changing process that readjusts me from an abuse victim to a functional and successful abuse survivor, reviver and thriver.
Thank you, for hearing this, and wanting to help.