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#33897 - 06/11/02 07:10 PM Re: I feel different (abused by my sister)
Cement Offline

Registered: 06/05/02
Posts: 740
Loc: Southern California
I am so early in my recovery, or maybe I should say rebuilding, or coming together. I am frustrated that I can't just be well.

Multiples. You guys use the term so effortlessly, is that what hapens? I am starting to recognize the eight year old boy inside me, and I am feeling how much of a divide there is from him. He acts out, but more importantly, right now he is hiding, and releasing some weird narcotic into my brain to keep me from even wanting to find him.

I am bored with trying to find him. I told my therapist I want to isolate him and cauterize him. My therapist said, okay, try, see if that works. Man, this guy is good. Okay, I can't isolate him and kill him but he is anesthetizing me, what the fuck do I do?

Whoops, went off on a tangent, my point was, these really are multiples, aren't they? The thing is, Broken, that I believe I HAVE "found out exactly why you split and confront it" or have I?

And another shot of narcotic enters my brain and says, "just take it easy, why are you trying so hard, don't worry..." That little kid has some powerful drugs with him.

And let the darkness fear our light.

#33898 - 06/12/02 06:30 AM Re: I feel different (abused by my sister)
Broken Offline

Registered: 03/25/01
Posts: 273
Loc: Huntingtun Beach, CA, US
well, there is a big difference between impulses based on childhood trauma and somebody with Dissasociative Identity Disorder (DID) or Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD) This is going to sound really corny and stupid, but there is a concept called the inner child and it can help. But dont delude yourself, your inner child is liable to flip you off or kick you in the balls as soon as look at you. What it really is is trying to connect with who you were at that time, understanding that you were powerless to do anything, and understanding it on the basic level you did as a child. Its about acknowledging that you no matter how tough you are, you are mortal, and therefore, voulnrable. That takes some real guts, to go back and be a terrified little kid who is being raped, and say NO! I dont care what anybody else says thats strength. If you continue to isolate yourself from who you were, you will still be that same little kid your whole life, and all your actions will revolve around your trauma. Power and Anger are not strength, change and love, those take guts.

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