Newest Members
cactus8, Neil Benesh, blazzeee, mmm coffee, Calibre09
13530 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
Blakanezebruh (46), OneWithStrength (40), Parker (48), scottyg (45)
Who's Online
4 registered (AOAN72, Esterio, iaccus, 1 invisible), 72 Guests and 1 Spider online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
13,530 Registered Members
75 Forums
70,378 Topics
491,480 Posts

Most users ever online: 418 @ 07/02/12 11:29 AM
Topic Options
#338354 - 08/15/10 04:02 PM does your clergy remind you of your perp?
freeze-on Offline

Registered: 08/09/09
Posts: 79
Loc: southeast
I have been thinking of this for some time. If i age progressed my perp, physically and behavioraly, he would probably = my current pastor. I know the whole deal about projection...but does this 'projection' ever stop? My wife enjoys this guy, I on the other hand would give him a 6.5 out of 10..if i could hear him...i can't hear him, all i see is my perp, thus he gets 0.

He knows i generally don't care for him as far as a 'pastor'...i have let him know-after he had done some irresponsible pastoral things regarding his leadership; blunders that affected me personally---perp, re-perping-- though not in the same way.

i owe it to him to forgive him, and i have , do i owe it to him to let him know why i give him a zero instead of a 6.5?
Or just endure it? My family has been here for some time now and leaving is not a consideration

what's your views on dealing with these types of situations, whether it is a person you meet in general or a clergy, that reminds you of your perp in some way?


#338355 - 08/15/10 04:23 PM Re: does your clergy remind you of your perp? [Re: freeze-on]
prisonerID Offline
Greeter Emeritus

Registered: 02/17/08
Posts: 1247
Loc: Oklahoma

I do not think you owe him anything at all concerning the block between the two of you. I do wonder if it might be a healing step for you if you shared it with him. If you were able to sit down with a clergy member and share your story. If you decide to tell him the reason I think it needs to be for you and not for him. Would there possibly be a benefit for you by doing so?


Broad statements often miss their true mark.

#338371 - 08/15/10 08:57 PM Re: does your clergy remind you of your perp? [Re: prisonerID]
pufferfish Offline

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
I don't think so.

According to a radio psychiatrist I used to listen to a lot, there are a lot of sociopathic pastors. (according to Dr. Paul Meiers, M.D., book: Don't Let the Jerks Get The Best of You.)

My pastor is not like that at all. He had to be "broken" before he came to Christ, just as I did.

The person who reminds me of my perp is that chef on TV who is going to a 2 hour program and they are supposedly going to feed 400 marines. That guy talks and acts like my perp.


pufferfish whistle

#442954 - 08/02/13 01:27 AM Re: does your clergy remind you of your perp? [Re: freeze-on]
GoldStone Offline

Registered: 05/28/13
Posts: 220
Loc: Far East
How did this turn out? I thought telling him might be a good idea. it would be a great lesson for him whether he deserved the comparison or not.

And even it you didn't go into detail it could be a moment for owning your projections.

start with "have you ever felt uneasy about someone but you didn't know why. And then you realized they reminded you of someone. Well, ...."

Edited by GoldStone (08/02/13 01:28 AM)

#444692 - 08/19/13 05:31 PM Re: does your clergy remind you of your perp? [Re: freeze-on]
freeze-on Offline

Registered: 08/09/09
Posts: 79
Loc: southeast
i had given him and the deacons a book entitled "the subtle power of spiritual abuse", warned them all that if their patterns of leadership continued with regard to the way they treated parishioners they would one day be up for a lawsuit.....

sure enough, 1 year later, the church was sued, the pastor left after discovered in an affair.....i felt bad for him and told him there was always hope for recovery; he currently is a janitor somewhere....i feel sorry for him, but i do know how vehemently he was admonished to "do the right thing".......just wish i'd listened to my own advice and not went down the road that i allowed my resentments and anger take me....


Moderator:  ModTeam 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.