Samuel, this is as much your thread as anyone elses. If you feel you want to say something please go right a head.
Not to sound like an a**, but some of the posts make subtle references to having thoughts that are uncomfortable, and then the last one says well if I had uncomfortable thoughts I'd go find a bridge. Thanks for clarifying, but then at the same time it seems condescending the way it was put. Sorry, just read this and that is what I am seeing.
I wasn't trying to subtly refer to anything. It's an uncomfortable feeling, but a non-specific one. That's all. But you are right I wasn't all too clear how I chose my words in that post.
What I really think, is that in a lot of these cases the abuse from the past puts us in a messed up place and it gets manifested in different ways. I would bet in most cases the uncomfortable feelings, however they come across, are often not what they seem anyway. It goes back to the past of the individual that was abused/violated. I think sometimes anxiety and fear trigger uncomfortable feelings. Anyway, whatever anyone's deal is with kids, if you have thoughts that come across as hurtful/damaging, in no case act of them. Thoughts are just thoughts and can be triggered from anything. Even if it is just uncomfortableness, I bet it is just fear and anxiety from one's own past. Truth be told, I often have a hard time relating to kids. I am getting better at it but it is hard. I don't know the right way to act myself, but I think a lot of it has to do with the walls I put up for so long I certainly didn't do much interacting with kids, let alone the fear I had that what if I could cross that line. I have no interest in that, but I bet it is a common fear for survivors, at least some, as we all know how lines do get crossed. Let alone the fear I have that all people think badly of me and therefore make assumptions about me that I then take on (all s*** in my head.) All this goes way back for me. Good stuff to think about.
This and what jls said make a lot of sense. I really appreciate your input.