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#334383 - 06/22/10 08:12 AM Can't keep it up?
Cathal2008 Offline

Registered: 10/15/08
Posts: 11
Loc: Ireland
Hi, I'm back on site, recently after almost 4years with out a relationship i've starting seeing a new woman, it's been around 3 months and its going ok, problem been i can't maintain an erection she asked me recently to finish in her and i did, i feel really awful since this and want to break up with her,Cathal

#334514 - 06/24/10 03:16 AM Re: Can't keep it up? [Re: Cathal2008]
ericc Offline

Registered: 01/05/08
Posts: 1986
Not sure what to tell you, but sex for people who have been abused and violated sexually can be tough. I really don't know what to tell you here, as I am no expert, but I get what you are saying. Maybe it is something you two can work out, especially if this is someone you really like.

#334559 - 06/24/10 10:40 PM Re: Can't keep it up? [Re: ericc]
petercorbett Offline

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2509
Hi, my Irish brother & ericc,

Well, it could be psychological, related to your CSA.

Just after i turned 41 years old, i went to a Urology clinic at an Air Force hospital in Germany. My complaint was i couldn't get it up, and if i did couldn't keep it up. So he checked out the plumbing system, and told me everything is OK. You must have a psychological problem. End of visit.

Then, after about another 5 years, i seek help. Once again had to go to the Urology clinic. Different doctor, same story.

Go and complain about it again, different hospital (Army), same story. But he gives me a pre>
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.

#334564 - 06/25/10 12:40 AM Re: Can't keep it up? [Re: petercorbett]
pufferfish Offline

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Yes, that seems to be how it works for us. I think it's called body memory. In the military they have a song about it:

You can't get 'em up
You can't get 'em up
You can't get 'em up in the mornin'

but seriously, when we start to get there we start having these memories of abuse and that just takes the turgor pressure right out of everything.

With counseling and refocusing I think it's possible to regain a sexual focus, but it doesn't happen overnight.



#334572 - 06/25/10 01:47 AM Re: Can't keep it up? [Re: pufferfish]
TheBobcatAgain Offline

Registered: 02/13/10
Posts: 524
Loc: AZ, U.S.A.

I don't know much about this subject, but I will share my experiences with you, in hopes that they will help. I'm going to put a trigger warning here, as this might be a little too graphic for some readers.


I'm a 38-year-old virgin. The only sex I have is masturbation. I started having difficulty maintaining erections and/or reaching climax as quickly as I used to, when I was around 30 years old. I figured my libido was going downhill, or something. Then last year, I discovered Internet porn. I had no troubles reaching orgasm while watching porn - in fact, my frequency of masturbation doubled, more or less.

The reason I mention this is because I've discovered a couple of things about myself. If I don't rush to climax - if I slow down, take my time enjoying all of the sensations - it can be just as fulfilling. My point is that maybe you need to widen your sexual activity: slow down and not rush to orgasm; experiment with different positions, activities, settings; read some erotic literature, perhaps even to each other. Maybe discover and/or relearn what sexually pleasures you the most(perhaps through masturbation, at first), and then let your partner know what you've discovered you enjoy. Maybe what pleasures you has changed a little over the years.


Anyway, I'm probably the last person who should be giving advice on sex, but I just wondered if this might help you. I hope so, but if not, then pay it no mind. Just my 2 cents. smile


#336184 - 07/16/10 09:15 PM Re: Can't keep it up? [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
Cathal2008 Offline

Registered: 10/15/08
Posts: 11
Loc: Ireland
thanks guys its good to get the support, Cathal


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